Tears Don't Fall
by catholicorprotestant
Summary: When tragedy strikes, old demons and vices surface. Sequel to WWIII. Takes place eight years after where WWIII leaves off.
1. Let's go

_**This is a sequel to WWIII. **_

* * *

"Higher! Higher!" The little girl insisted through her giggles.

"If I push you any higher, you're going to fly into space, Emily!"

"Na uh, Uncle Alfie!" The littler girl laughed. Alfred grabbed her from the swing causing her to scream and giggle.

"Yes, huh! Your daddy and I got pushed into space when were your age."

"Really?" She asked innocently, her big violet eyes staring at him. He nodded. "No!" She laughed again.

"Are you calling me a liar, miss Emily?"

"Yes. Daddy said you can't go into space without a rocket."

"Ah, you got me!" Alfred tickled his niece. She screamed with laughter.

"Stop! Stop! I can't breathe." He stopped and held her smiling at his brother's precious baby girl. She caught her breath and hugged him tightly while giving him a big kiss on the cheek. He kissed her cheek back and set her back down.

Emily was six years old and had two of her front teeth missing. Her dark blonde hair was in two French braided pigtails with green bows tied to them. She wore her favorite pink dress with a turtle on the front with green leggings underneath. She had her father's eyes and her mother's smile. She was the pride and join of Matthew's life. She was a total daddy's girl. Alfred adored his brother's daughter.

"Mommy says that I can get a pet kitty." Emily told her uncle as she jumped up and down.

"Are you kidding me? I always wanted a pet kitty! That's so awesome. I am so jealous." She gasped and stared at him.

"You mean that you never had a kitty?"

"Never." He sat in an exaggerated whisper.

"I'll let you pet my kitty, Uncle Alfie. She's gonna be soft!"

"Well that is very sweet of you, Em." She beamed up at him.

"I want to get a black and orange kitty. I saw one at the kitty store."

"Well you better get her!"

"I know! Daddy's 'upposed to take me today after we're done playing."

"Well we better get going, then, huh?" Emily nodded and took her uncle's hand.

"I think I'll name her Spot 'ecuase she gots spots."

"Well that's a good reason to name her Spot!" Alfred told her.

"Yeah. When can I play with Xander?" She asked him. Xander was Alfred's two year old son.

"Well he's with his mommy right now."

"Oh." She thought for a moment. "Will Aunt Nat bring him here for the dinner?"

"She is actually."

"Yay! Then Remy and I can play with him!" Remy was Emily's three year old little brother.

"Remember that you have to play carefully with him."

"Yeah, I know. Mommy says he's still a baby, so we has to be careful."

"That's right."

"Uncle Alfie?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too!" He said hugging her tightly.

They walked back to Matthew's house and Alfred unlocked the door and let Emily run in before him. She sat down immediately and pulled off her shoes. Alfred kicked his off and stood waiting patiently.

"Can you make me some food?" He felt the small twitch of anxiety he always felt for a split second when food was mentioned.

"Sure. What do you want?"

"Can I have cookies?"

"I don't think you mommy or daddy would like that very much. They want you to be big and strong. Plus your parents are planning a dinner with all of us tonight."

"Psst, Uncle Alfie!" She whispered motioning for him to lean down. He leaned down so she could whisper in his ear. "I won't tell if you don't." He let out a silent laugh and looked at her. She covered her mouth and giggled.

"Well I guess with that logic…but you have to drink milk." She nodded and crawled into a chair as he pulled the cookie jar to the edge of the counter.

"Uncle Alfie?" He glanced at her. "You have to eat with me too." He smiled at her.

Matthew and Emma had really done something clever to help Alfred. They trained Emily to always have him eat with her. She had been two or three when he started really struggling with staying in recovery. Matthew had figured it out because he had whispered in her ear to tell him he had to eat with her. He had sat down immediately and ate with her. Afterward he had colored and built blocks with her. It had become a habit for her.

"Okay." She watched him eagerly. He put a plate of cookies on the table between them and set her cup of milk in reach. She kicked her feet while she ate and watched him as he broke off small pieces of the cookie.

"Why do you eat so slow?" She asked.

"Why do you eat so fast?"

"I don't." She scrunched up her face.

"I think you do." He winked at her. He heard the key in door and made a scared face to her. She covered her mouth and Alfred grabbed the last cookie telling her to put the plate in the sink. She quickly ran to the sink and then got back in her chair as Matthew came in with Emma and Remy.

"You're eating cookies?" Matthew questioned.

"It was her idea." Alfred said pointing at Emily.

"Hey! You said you wouldn't tell."

"Oh rats." Alfred laughed and winked at her again. Emma sighed and gave Alfred an annoyed look.  
"Alfred, you know we don't like her to have cookies before dinner." She said. Remy ran to hug Alfred. He scooped him up in his arms.

"Uncle Alfie!" Remy screeched.

"Hey Rem-Rem. How was your doctor?"

"I got a shot." He said pulling up his sleeve to reveal a Band-Aid with frogs on it.

"That is such a cool Band-Aid! Did it hurt?" Alfred asked.

"Yeah, but I didn't cwy!"

"You are such a hero, dude. Iron Man would be proud." Remy gave his uncle a proud grin. "I'm sorry about the cookies, Emma. She just looked at me so cute."

"You really need to stop spoiling her. How would you like it if we gave Xander cookies?" Emma asked giving him "the look."

"He's two. Give him cookies or not, he's still going to be running all over the place until he passes out suddenly." Alfred chuckled. "Isn't that right, Remy?" Remy just laughed. Matthew whispered something to Emma and she smiled at Alfred.

"So when are we expecting Natalya?"

"She should be here soon." He smiled. Remy wriggled out of his lap and pulled Emily behind him to play.

"Mattie, do you want this?" He asked trying to give him the cookie and half a half in his hand.

"You need to eat it." Matthew told him. Alfred sighed and picked at the cookies.

"I'm surprised that Natalya went out shopping today." Emma said pulling vegetables out of the refrigerator. "She hasn't been feeling well."

"Yeah, I told her that I could just bring Xander with me over here and we could go shopping with Emily, but she insisted that she wanted to take him and go after her doctor's appointment." He shrugged. "I guess she's feeling better." There was a knock on the door and Emma disappeared to answer it.

"Thanks for watching Emily." Matthew said.

"Anytime! You know I love that girl."

"Da! Da! Da!" Xander ran into the kitchen and straight to Alfred.

"Hey, kiddo!" He scooped him up and stood up to spin the little boy around. Xander giggled. "Did you have fun with Mommy?"

"Yeah."

"Sweet!" Alfred held up a hand and Xander gave him a high five. Natalya came in with a few bags of groceries. Alfred took them from her and hugged her, kissing her over their son. "How are you feeling?" He asked her.

"Well I'm still a little queasy, but it will last a little longer."

"Aw, that sucks. Do you have a virus or something?" He narrowed his eyes at her. "Are you going to make me sick?"

"No." She laughed and kissed him again. She started helping Emma with preparing food. "Alfie, can you take off Xander's hoodie? I think it's a little hot for that in here."

"Sure thing." He put Xander on the ground and knelt in front of him. He unzipped the small child's little hoodie. "Did Mommy get you a new…" Alfred covered his mouth and grabbed the boy with his other arm in a hug. His eyes were wide. "Really? You…you're…" She nodded and laughed. He grabbed her in a tight hug and he kissed her.

"What's going on?" Emma laughed and knelt down to look at Xander. He had a shirt that said, "I'm a big brother," on it. "Oh my gosh! Mattie, look at this! Congratulations!" Emma hugged Natalya tightly and then Alfred. "Natalya, you always do the cutest things! When I found out I was pregnant, I left five pee sticks on the bathroom counter hoping he'd see them. I was too nervous to say anything because we'd only been married five months. And we just told people we were having a girl. Then the second time, I just told him flat out I was pregnant. You find out you're having Xander and you do this elaborate reveal. What did you do for that again?"

"Thank you, Emma! Oh I, what did I do, Alfred? Oh yeah he likes really baseball, so I got him all this baseball stuff and put it in a bag pretending I was just giving him a random gift and like the first thing was a shirt for his favorite team and some other stuff until he got to the bottom and I had a little gender neutral onsie that had a baseball and a big glove and it said something like 'I love my daddy' on it or something and then a little glove. He freaked out…in a good way." She laughed and hugged Alfred again.

"No, your gender reveal was beautiful. When Alfie started crying, oh god, I wanted to just get pregnant all over again so I could do something cute with Matthew."

"Natalyaaaaaaaa!" Alfred whined.

"Yes, love?" She asked laughing.

"How far along?"

"Um, the doctor said fifteen weeks. I'll probably start getting a bump soon." He smiled and hugged her again.

"You are so cute with a bump." He smiled.

"I didn't feel so cute." She laughed. "Especially at the end."

"Are you kidding? You were the cutest."

"I'm glad you feel that way." She hugged him, happy for his constantly unwavering support.

"I'm going to go tell Emily!" He ran off to the other room. Natalya laughed.

"I don't know why I think I'm having my second child. That was Xander. Alfred is the first. This baby is third."

"Hey, be glad he's like this again. Those few years weren't good at all. I'm glad he's back to the way he was before. Well congratulations." Matthew smiled hugging her.

He was so happy for his brother. Alfred was amazing with kids. In fact there was nobody Matthew trusted more than his brother to watch his two children. Plus it was good for his brother.

He had a few near relapses and an actual relapse since he'd first been treated. Matthew remembered the phone call he got from Natalya seven years ago when she'd caught him shortly after he and Emma got married. She had been sobbing and begging Matthew to help her because she had no idea what to do. Alfred had gone back into treatment for six months.

About three years after that, he started having a hard time again because he and Natalya were getting married and the stress of was getting to be too much. He had come to see Matthew because he really wanted to stay in remission. He had been crying and telling Matthew he couldn't eat and the thought of eating made him so tense, he'd get nauseous and throw up. Matthew didn't really know what to do to help him, but Emily had come into the kitchen where they were talking and told Matthew she was hungry. He glanced over at Alfred who was crying into his arms at the table. Emily, barely three at the time, asked her father why her uncle was crying. Matthew had knelt down, nervous that it wouldn't work, and whispered in his little girl's ear that she should ask Alfred to eat with her.

Matthew watched her tug on Alfred's shirt. He looked at her with a soft smile. She crawled into his lap and wiped the tears off his cheeks before saying, "Uncle Alfie, don't cwy. Eat snack wif me?" Matthew had watched amazed as Alfred agreed and actually ate, even if it was slowly and he did pick at it a lot. Emily sat in his lap while they ate. He had been breaking the cracker apart to eat in smaller bites to help him feel better. "Uncle Alfie, no bweak it." She had said giggling. "Like this." She had put half a peanut butter cracker in her mouth. "Now you!" He had laughed and put a whole cracker in his mouth.

After he swallowed told her, "I can put the whole thing in my mouth." Then stuck his tongue out at her. Matthew still remembered the amazed look on his daughter's face. Alfred and Emily had incredibly close since she had been born, so Matthew been hopeful it would work, but had still been relieved when Alfred ate. He actually had almost every meal at their house because he told Matthew that she took away the anxiety. Emma, Natalya and Matthew all knew if Alfred was having a hard time, he'd make sure to eat every meal with her though he wouldn't say anything to any of them. He didn't want to make them worry.

"Daddy! You're 'upposed to take me to the kitty store!" Emily said with her hands on hips.

"You ran away to go play with your brother. It's a little late."

"Ah! Xander's here!" She ran to Natalya who was holding him. "Hi, Xander!" The little boy shrank away from her with a smile. "Aunt Nat, Uncle Alfie telled me you were going to have a baby."

"Yes ma'am."

"So I have a question."

"Okay."

"Did you swallow a baby seed?" All of the adults in the room lost it. "It's not funny!" Emily said stomping a foot. "How do babies get in tummies?"

"Well Em, see when a mommy and a daddy really love each other…" Matthew smacked Alfred who started laughing again.

"Shut up." Matthew warned.

"What happens?" Emily asked Alfred, her face very inquisitive as she looked at him. Alfred glanced at Matthew with a playful smile and knelt down.

"When a mommy and daddy love each other, they wish really hard for a baby. And then, if you're really lucky, you find a baby in the mommy's tummy."

"But where does it come from?"

"Magic." Alfred whispered to her. She seemed satisfied with the answer.

"Yeah, that makes sense. I watched a movie with Gwampa and there was lots of magic in it." She slapped her hands to her cheeks and her eyes got wide. "There was a bad guy who wanted to kill the boy who was only a baby!"

"Well that is just terrible, isn't it, Mattie?" Alfred smiled at his brother. "Oh by the way, bro, she wants to go to the kitty store before it closes. I told her you'd definitely take her today."

"You are a little shit." Matthew muttered to him. Alfred spoiled Emily and Remy and liked to make promises that Matthew would do something for them and then tell him in front of them to mess with him. Matthew was determined to do the same thing with Xander and any other children his brother had with his wife.

"Love you, Mattie." Alfred hugged him before going to take Xander from Natalya.

* * *

**_Here's the first chapter of the sequel! I'll also be simultaneously writing a prequel._**


	2. With blood shot eyes I watch you sleepin

_**As before, the all Italics mean they're speaking French.**_

* * *

Matthew hugged Emily before she got into her bed and pulled the covers over her. "Are you going to read to me, Daddy?" She asked holding a book to her chest.

"Of course, I am." He rubbed his eyes and yawned as he laid down next to her, his body too large for the bed. She snuggled up against him as he read. He smiled as her eyes kept fluttering shut then popping back open as she struggled to stay awake. When at last her eyes stayed shut, he laid there for a few minutes watching her sleep. He couldn't believe she was so big already. It seemed like just yesterday Emma had given him the most precious little girl in the world. He kissed the top of her head and slid out from under her. He turned off the lamp and the night light came on. He stood in her doorway for a moment before closing it.

He then went to Remy's room. The little boy was curled up in his Iron Man sheets sucking his thumb. The little boy reminded Matthew so much of his brother when they were little kids. He even had the same favorite super hero, but he figured it was because Alfred spent so much time with Matthew's kids. Matthew went over and pulled the blanket over the sleeping child before kissing him too. He had never understood why Papa had done the things he had until he had become a father himself. He'd die for them if it meant Emily and Remy got be happy forever. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He tiptoed quickly out of the room.

"Hi, Mama." He answered.

"Hello. I hope this isn't a bad time."

"No, not at all. We just put the kids in bed."

"Brilliant. I heard Alfred's good news! Isn't it just wonderful?"

"Yeah. I'm so happy for them."

"He's such an amazing father and uncle." Arthur said softly. "I'm really happy he does so well despite everything." Matthew nodded before realizing his father couldn't see him.

"Yeah. He's great with them." Matthew agreed sitting on one of the chairs in his kitchen. "I think my kids like him better than me." He laughed.

"Parents do the hard part, so extended family and friends get to be the cool ones who just spoil kids rotten before giving them back to their parents. You'll see when Xander gets a little older that you can spoil him too."

"I still think Xander would like Alfred better. He's always been more fun."

"Mattie, can I ask you a question?"

"You just did." Matthew joked.

"Oh come on, now."

"Go ahead, Mama."

"Is he doing okay? He's been eating weird the last few times he's been here."

"I think he's having a hard time right now. He's been over a lot to eat with Emily. You know he doesn't say anything anymore."

"I know. Is he still taking his medications and going to the doctor?"

"As far as I know." Matthew knew the issues his brother had were never going to go away. They were just going to be managed. He would wake up sometimes with crippling depression where he would just lay in bed and cry. Other times he'd have an anxiety attack. Natalya would always call Matthew for help. It hadn't happened since Xander was born. For Alfred to be around kids was good for him.

"People like Natalya are saints." Arthur mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"Well she knew everything and still stayed with him. She stays up with him every time he has a bad night and she sticks with him during the bad times. And that precious woman tries to make him extra happy on his good days."

"She loves him. She grew up with us and she loves him." Matthew said.

Alfred probably wouldn't be married or have Xander and another child on the way if it hadn't been for Ivan and Natalya. Natalya had a crush on Alfred since they were little kids, but he never realized she liked him. They got really close when Alfred came back from treatment and she had Ivan talk to Alfred about taking her to prom. He would talk to Ivan about how much he liked Natalya and Natalya would talk to Ivan about how much she like Alfred and finally he just got tired of it and sat them down and told them their feelings were reciprocated. She and Alfred didn't date for three years because Alfred, though he wanted to be with her, still felt he was too fragile mentally. It was actually Natalya who told him that he was never going to feel ready and she was tired of waiting for him to be ready and told him that he was her boyfriend now. Natalya pushed him to get better with his depression and anxiety and she was patient with him.

"I never understand how incredible people can be." Matthew smiled.

"Hey, I tried calling Papa earlier, but he didn't answer. We need you two to watch Remy tomorrow and pick up Emily from kindergarten. Natalya usually does it, but she has a shoot tomorrow and Xander would be enough of a hassle for her."

"Oh…" Arthur let out a nervous, guilty laugh. "We were…um…busy when you called him."

"Gross." Matthew grumbled.

"You know you and your brother need to make up your minds. One minute you're like, 'You need to just do it already,' and then we do and you're like, 'Ew, our parents have sex.' Honestly it's getting unnerving!"

"I'm happy that you two are back together and remarried, I am. But when Freddy and I say things like that, we're joking around. When you say it, we know it happened and that's just…no."

"Shut up, we're bloody adorable. I can't wait for your kids to be old enough to figure out you and Emma have sex. You better believe that your father and I will be basking in their gags."

"Ha-ha." Matthew smiled. "Can you guys babysit or not?"

"I have a class at ten, but I think Francis is free. Hold on." Matthew heard Arthur calling to Francis and heard Francis responding. "He says he doesn't have any clients tomorrow, so he's free. We can do it."

"Can I talk to him please?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Salut, Mattie!" He heard his father's voice.

"_You're going to be there all day?"_

"Oui."

_ "You promise you're not going to leave them alone with him?"_ Despite the fact that Arthur had become a better person and never got angry anymore, neither Matthew nor Alfred would leave their kids alone with him. They loved him and were very close and trusting with him now, but they refused to let their guard down when it came to the kids.

_ "Mattie, you know he's not like that anymore."_

_ "I know, but I'm not going to risk it."_

_ "I won't leave him alone with them."_

_ "Good."_

_ "So I heard you had an exciting evening at your house."_

_ "_Oui. _You know how Natalya likes to surprise him."_

_ "She is so darling!" _

_ "She is."_ Emma came in the room and hugged Matthew around his shoulders.

"Salut, Francis!" She said.

_"Let me talk to Emma."_ Matthew laughed and handed Emma the phone. She talked with him as Matthew cleaned the kitchen. She hung up and helped him.

_"So I may have to work late tomorrow."_ She told Matthew putting the phone the counter. He smiled at her.

"Okay."

_"Are you okay? You seemed weird when you got home and you were extra cuddly with the kids."_

_ "Yeah. I just got called for this case today where a little girl about Emily's age was raped by her own father. The mother was saying the girl was a slut and asked for it and I just…how can you do that?"_

_ "You've seen cases like that before. You always handle work well."_

_ "Well this girl looked like Emily."_ He said softly. _"And then I get home and I'm pretty sure my brother's having issues again. He tried to give me a cookie and he didn't eat well at dinner. He kind of just picked at it."_ She wrapped her arms around his waist.

_"If you are having problems with work, you can always request not to be called to certain cases."_

_ "It's my job to help them, Emma. I want to help them. It was just this one case that really bothered me. I've never had a parent say that about their child unless they were the one doing the abuse."_

_ "It happens." _She brushed his hair back. _"And as for Alfred, you know that he knows what to do. He doesn't want to relapse. And when things get really bad you know either Natalya or he calls one of us."_

_ "But what if…"_ Emma stood back and gave him her "counselor" face. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

_"I don't like it when you treat me like one of your clients."_

_ "Mattie, I swear, If something is wrong and you're talking to me about it, I'm going to listen to you objectively. I've been doing this for seven years. You do the same thing with your brother, so don't give me that."_

_ "I just want to talk to you as my wife, not a counselor!"_

_ "Fine. Fine, you want me to tell you that everything is okay? That you're exaggerating? That nothing will ever happen to our kids? That your brother is completely one hundred percent okay? I'll do that." _She stared at him with concerned green eyes. _"But you know all of that is a fucking lie and I won't lie to you."_

_ "That's not what I meant."_ He rubbed his face. _"I don't want to argue with you, Emmie. I don't want you to lie to me. I just want you to listen to me and be brutally honest. I don't want you to look at me like you're analyzing me."_

_ "Mathieu here is the truth. People are really fucked up and we work with the most fucked up people. You chose to go into Child Protection, the area of social work where you see the most evil and fucked up people. And yeah, it's going to suck. You knew that. You have to talk about how things make you feel or this job will eat you alive. We protect our kids with our lives, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible for something to happen. God forbid anything ever happens, but it's possible. We have to protect them from it. And Alfred…Alfred has issues that you and I both know will be with him the rest of his life. He'll have good days and bad days and luckily he has more good than bad, but he does have bad. He's such a sweetheart though that he waits until things get really, really bad and he's waking up not able to get out of bed or having anxiety attacks because he doesn't want anyone to be scared or worry about him. He wants to worry about everyone, so he doesn't worry about himself. He refuses to let Xander see him as anything less than a superhero because that's what he's always wanted. So you know what?"_ Emma took Matthew's face in her hand. _"We have to help him when we see something. I didn't see anything, but you know him better than I do. If you're worried, talk to him. That's your job as his brother and as a social worker."_ She kissed him.

_"I know."_ He said softly.

_"Let's go to bed. You can talk to me some more." He nodded. "I think it would be important if you told your brother that he needs to not bottle up stress. I mean he's good at avoiding high stress, but he has a two year old and Natalya's pregnant. Do you remember when Xander was a baby? He had a lot of bad days. That's why Natalya works from home now."_ Matthew nodded.

_"The thing is, he doesn't listen. That's why I love it when he's with Emily, Remy and Xander. He's really actually okay."_ Emma hugged him.

_ "He's in the right field being a pediatric dental hygienist. He is like a child whisperer. He can get a kid to calm down just my smiling at them and it's not stressful to clean a kid's teeth when they're calm."_

_ "He loves it."_ Matthew smiled. The two got ready for bed before falling asleep as Emma cuddled into his chest.

* * *

_**There's chapter 2! Let me know at you think. I really do take what everyone says into consideration.**_


	3. The warmth I feel beside me

Matthew knocked on the front door of his parents' house with Remy in his arms. Arthur opened the door and smiled at him. "Good morning!" He hugged his son and kissed his cheek before taking Remy from Matthew and hugging him.

"Are you excited to spend the day with us?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah!"

"Come in! You should say hi to your dad before work." Matthew nodded and followed him in.

"I gotted a shot at the doc'er." Remy was telling Arthur. "I didn't cwy."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah. Uncle Alfie telled me Iwon Man would be pwoud."

"I think he's right." Arthur laughed and kissed the boy's cheek. "Francis, Matthew and Remy are here!" He called. Francis came into the room with the familiar smile on his face.

"Salut, mon cher!" He kissed Remy's cheek.

"Salut, Pépé!" Remy smiled. Francis looked at Matthew and covered his mouth.

"What?" Matthew looked down at his suit.

"Mathieu, you need to get this tailored." He said messing with the fabric. "I'm going to take you. This will not do. Arthur, look at this!" Matthew smiled and rolled his eyes. His father always had been very particular.

"I don't see anything wrong with it, love."

"It's too loose here and too tight here and not long enough…Mathieu, you are stressing me out." Francis said.

"I out grew the two suits I had in high school." Matthew laughed. "Give me a break." Francis fixed Matthew's tie and adjusted his shirt and blazer.

_"Remy, your daddy is stressing me out."_ Francis laughed.

"Daddy, non!" Remy said pointing at him. Matthew laughed.

"Papa, you're going to make me late." He laughed.

"Well go on then, mon cher." Francis hugged him tightly. "I am taking you to a tailor. Just tell me when you are free. I'm sure Jean could do it."

"Okay, Papa." Matthew gave Arthur a hug before hugging Remy and kissing his cheek. "Be good for Grandpa and Pépé."

"Okay." Matthew _"Remember don't leave him alone."_

"Bien. Non!" Francis assured him.

"Remember that Emily gets out of kindergarten at 2:45."

"Bien." Francis laughed handing him a cup of coffee. "You're going to be late." Matthew looked at his watch and cursed before running out the door.

* * *

Matthew made it to work just in time. "That was cutting it a little close, huh, Matt?" His boss said looking up from his paperwork.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I had to drop my son off with my parents. My sister-in-law couldn't watch him today. I miscalculated traffic. It won't happen again."

"It's okay. You're always early." Matthew nodded and went to his office. He had to finish his paperwork from the day before. His phone rang.

"Matthew Bonnefoy-Kirkland." He answered.

"Hey, Matt, it's Joe Barnes." Matthew had worked with this police officer before and really liked the guy. "We need you down here ASAP. We responded to a domestic dispute case and we need to get these kids out of here. It's pretty bad." Matthew took down the information and grabbed his things before heading to the case.

"Hey Joe." He said walking up. "What do we have?"

"Domestic dispute. The neighbors called it in. They heard screaming. The father was high on meth, stabbed the mom to death in front of the kids. The kids look like that haven't eaten in weeks. There's no food in the house. The kids are filthy." Matthew shook his head. "It's really fucked up shit, dude. My bet is both the parents were on something."

"Is there any family?"

"I don't know. The kid wouldn't really open up. She'd just tell us her name." Joe led him over to the squad and opened the door. There was a female officer with a little girl about three and an infant. The girl hid behind the officer.

"Hi, I'm Mattie. I'm here to help you. What's your name?" He asked her with a smile.

"Olivia."

"Hi Olivia. Are you hungry? Do you want a snack?" She nodded. He handed her a muffin. She took it and started eating eagerly. "How old are you Olivia?" He asked her with a smile. She held up three fingers. "And hold old in this little guy, here?" He asked.

"He's a baby." She said.

"Do you know how old he is?"

"Um…no." She shook her head.

"That's okay. Will you come with us, so we can draw some pictures?" She nodded. "Okay, do you like markers, crayons or pencils?" He asked.

"Markers."

"Guess what, Olivia?" He asked her with a smile. "We have markers!"

"Really?" She smiled.

"Yeah. All the colors you can think of. Does that sounds like something you want to do with me?" She nodded. Matthew looked at the female officer. "Would you mind riding with me? The CPS car has car seats." The officer nodded and helped him strap the kids in. They drove down to the station and he led the little girl in while the female officer took in the baby. Matthew smiled when the little girl took his hand and sucked on her thumb.

"Mattie?" She looked up at him with big brown eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Mommy got hurted really bad." She said softly. He knelt down.

"Yeah." He said softly.

"Is she okay?"

"We're going to color, okay?" She nodded and followed him into one of the rooms they used to interview kids. "Okay, Olivia, I'm going to ask you to draw me your family." She nodded. He waited patiently. He looked at the picture and sighed. The girl had showed her and her brother crying in a room while her mom with something in her arm. Her dad looked had something in his hands. He gave her a smile.

"This is a really good picture." He told her. "Can you tell me about it?"

"This is me and Bwody. We're sad cuz we want food, but Mommy and Daddy are busy. Mommy is taking the happy sleep medicine. Daddy has a beer and is smoking." Matthew nodded.

"Can you tell me why you drew it like this?"

"That's how we are all the time." Matthew bit his lip.

"How does that make you feel?"

"I feel sad."

"Yeah. Olivia, can you tell me what you eat?"

"Um…we don't weally eat. My tummy hurts a lot of the time."

"But when you do." He smiled.

"Um…I don't know." He nodded.

"Okay. Do you have any family besides your brother and mom and dad?"

"No. Just them." She smiled at him. "Mattie, can I have some more food?" He nodded.

"Of course you can, sweetheart. You can keep coloring. I'll be right back." He left the room and shook his head. He glanced at one of the officers.

"Matt, man I don't know how you deal with this every day. I only see this every so often and it fucks me up for weeks. I can't sleep." Matthew smiled at him.

"I get to help these kids. If I don't, who will? It's really rewarding, Joe."

"You're an angel on Earth, Matt." Joe shook his head.

The truth was it was hard on him, but he couldn't leave. He just would talk to Emma after work. He also still saw a therapist. He had chosen CPS because of what happened with him and his brother. He had made it his mission to make sure that kids were safe and didn't have lasting psychiatric problems like his brother. He'd almost left to a different branch of social work several different times, but each time something happened with his brother and he felt that sense of anger that he thought he'd let go rise up and cause him to push on.

* * *

Matthew had four other cases that day. By the time he got off of work, he just felt drained. He couldn't imagine what these kids would be like when they were older. He thought about the psychological trauma the verbal abuse his brother endured for years had done to him. A few cases of physical abuse may have been the final straw in the pile, but it was the years of verbal and emotional abuse that broke him. Matthew often wondered why it was his brother was the only one who had been scarred. He was shoved around and called worthless by Arthur constantly. He was the one who would cry when his parents would fight. All that did to him is cause emotional pain and stress that he would release with self-harm, but there was no lasting damage. His past never crossed his mind. What crossed his mind was his brother laying in a hospital bed. The knowledge that there was no way to prove verbal or emotional abuse made him so frustrated having watched it destroy his best friend.

He pulled up to the house and knocked on the door. He heard Emily and Remy's excited voices in the house and Emily opened the door. "Where are your grandparents?" Matthew asked a little upset that they let a six and four year open the door.

"I'm right here" Francis said from right behind him. Matthew looked at him as he hugged the two kids.

"Go get your stuff, okay?" Matthew said. The two ran off and Matthew stood up.

"How was your day?" Francis asked smiling, sipping a cup of tea.

"You know that there are bad people out there, right?" Matthew asked coolly.

"Mathieu…"

"I deal with them every day, Papa. Don't ever let them open the door again, please. If anything happened to them…"

"Mattie, nosing is going to happen to zem, okay?"

"You know how many people I work with every day who thought nothing was going to happen to their kids? Papa, please just don't let them open the door." Matthew said with tears pooling in his eyes.

"Mathieu!" He hugged him tightly. "It won't happen again." He held him against him and rubbed Matthew's back. "What happened today?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry. I just…wow. I am just tired."

"Are you sure?" Matthew nodded. "Emily! Remy!" The two kids ran to him. Francis stared at Matthew in a slight frown with one arm across his body to support the elbow of the arm he had his tea in. Arthur followed the two kids.

"Hey, Matthew. How was work?" Matthew glanced at him.

"Bye, Papa." He hugged Francis. "Say bye kids." Emily and Remy hugged their grandparents goodbye and took his hands before he took them to the car.

"Daddy, guess what?" Remy said as Matthew buckled him into the seat.

"What?" Matthew smiled at him.

"I got to play with Pépé all day!"

"That's must have been fun." Remy smiled and nodded. Matthew laughed as Remy struggle keep his eyes open. Emily was reading one of her picture books, sounding out each word.

"Daddy, what does this word say?" She asked showing her book.

"Elephant."

"Oh. Okay, but it has a "P" in it." She said confused looking back at the book.

"When you put the P and H together it makes an F sound." She gave him a look that made him giggle. Her eyes were squinted, her brow furrowed and her mouth slightly open. She was so confused and he found it to be the cutest thing he'd ever seen.

"That doesn't make sense, Daddy."

"I know. Welcome to the reading world." He smiled at her. She sighed and pushed her hair back.

"Reading is hard."

"It gets easier, chéri." He smiled at her. She shook her head.

"I don't think so." She sighed.

"You're doing so well, though. Keep it." She nodded and put her book in her backpack before closing her eyes. "Grandpa says he'll help me."

"That's really nice of him. Did you know he teaches big kids about books and writing?"

"Yeah." She said sleepily. Matthew smiled and closed the door before going to the driver's seat and making his way home.

* * *

As expected, Emma wasn't home yet. He carried a sleeping Remy and Emily inside. He had gotten good at carrying his two children at once. They'd wake up slightly, just enough to hold on to his neck and fall back to sleep soundly seconds later. He laid the two children on the couch before going into the kitchen to make dinner. His phone vibrated in his pocket.

"Hello?" He asked without looking at the screen.

"What's up, dude?" His brother's cheerful voice came from the other end.

"Oh, hey, Freddy. I'm just about to cook some food."

"Sweet." Alfred was quiet for a moment. "So bro, I was thinking we don't see each other enough. I mean, you're my twin brother. We shared a womb together. We share like 99% of our DNA, Mattie and the fact that we don't see each other daily is an issue." Matthew clenched his jaw. Just as he had suspected. "And Xander…Xander misses his cousins and I miss my brother and Nat had a wedding shoot this evening and we didn't feel up to going, so what do you say Xander and I come over?"

"Of course you can come over. Emily and Remy are taking a nap though."

"Cool. We're actually outside." Alfred laughed. Matthew shook his head and hung up the phone before going to the front door. Alfred was smiling at him with a sleeping Xander in his arms.

"Salut." Matthew smiled stepping aside.

"Sup? Dude, I still think it's weird how you only speak French in your house. Like doesn't that get confusing with the kids?"

"Their English and French are both really good." Matthew shrugged. "Emma's from Belgium and her first language is French. I speak French. Why shouldn't our kids speak French?"

Emma and Matthew had actually met because of this very reason. She had moved from Belgium to go to school and her English was very lacking. She was trying to ask for directions to everyone, but couldn't communicate well with the students. She had asked him and he recognized the accent and gave her full directions in French. He agreed to help her with English and pretty soon the two were dating. The first time she met Alfred, she had started speaking to him in French because she figured he had to be Matthew's brother. He had looked at her with a crooked smile. And told her he spoke about this much French while holding his thumb and forefinger very close together. She had thought it was a travesty.

"I don't know dude, but I never picked up on it. I can understand it pretty well though." Alfred shifted Xander to hold him in both arms. Matthew noticed he was clinging the child to his chest.

"You were always following Mama around." Matthew said in a distracted tone. Alfred followed him to the kitchen. "You can lay Xander down in the living room or on one of the beds if you want." He told him while digging some pans out of the cabinet.

"Um…thanks. I'm good." Matthew looked at his brother who was leaning against the counter holding the small boy tighter still to his chest with his cheek pressing against his son's honey colored hair, eyes closed. Matthew stood up slowly.

"Freddy…Freddy are you okay?" Alfred opened his eyes and looked at his brother. He put a smile on his face.

"Yeah. I just don't really get to cuddle with him all that often."

"If there was something wrong, you'd let me know, right?"

"Yeah, totally, bro." Matthew stared at him for a moment. "Really, Mattie, I'm okay." Alfred sighed and looked at him. "I just didn't want to be alone tonight and I really didn't feel like going to a stranger's wedding. And I do miss you, Mattie."

"Freddy, you only live a few houses down. We see you all the time." Matthew told him filling a pot with water.

"Yeah, but it's not the same." Alfred let out a shuddering breath. Matthew's eyes shot up to his brother to see tears in his eyes.

"Freddy…dude, seriously, are you okay?"

"I'm…I'm…I'm fine." Alfred whispered again tightening his grip on Xander. The child squirmed and whimpered in protest.

"Freddy, stop squeezing him." Matthew said softly. Alfred didn't loosen his grip or acknowledge he'd heard his brother. Matthew swallowed not sure what to expect. He just knew that if his brother was about to have a mental breakdown, he needed to get him to a different room. It would frighten Emily and Remy. "Freddy, let me have Xander." He held his hands out. Alfred tightened his grip again and shook his head. "Freddy, please." Matthew begged keeping calm.

"I need to hold him." Alfred said softly.

"Just please give him to me." Alfred shook his head again. Matthew took his brother by the shoulders and let him to his room and sat him on the edge of the bed.

"What time is Natalya's wedding over?" Alfred shrugged. "Yes, you do know. When is she supposed to be back?"

"I think…I think…ten."

"Okay." Matthew rubbed his brother's arms and looked at him. "Alfred, let me take Xander to the other room. We don't want him waking up with you like this, okay?" Alfred reluctantly allowed Matthew to take Xander. Matthew took his nephew to the living room and laid him down on the love seat before sending a text to Emma telling her that Alfred was there and he wasn't doing well. He asked if she could bring dinner home and went back to his brother.

He found huddled on the floor crying and shaking. Matthew knelt down and hugged him. He wasn't sure if this was anxiety or depression, but he knew it wasn't good. "Alfred, I need to you tell me what's going on." Matthew said calmly, but firmly. He was so happy he'd gone into social work and counseling. He had done it specifically so he could help his brother and not be scared like he was when they were teenagers.

"I…I don't know. I just…I just started thinking about a lot of bad things and I don't want to. I can't make them stop, Mattie." So this was his depression.

"What kind of thoughts are you having?"

"I shouldn't…I shouldn't have ever gotten married. I should never have had kids. Mattie, what if…what if they end up like this? I'm not…I'm not a good father." Matthew closed his eyes and reminded himself he couldn't think of Alfred as his brother if he wanted to help him.

"Freddy, you're amazing. You are the best father. My kids even like you better than me." Matthew laughed. "You and Natalya are great for each other."

"Stop lying to me. I'm a fucking piece of worthless shit, Matthew."

"No, you're not! I know you're having a moment here, but I am not going to allow you to talk about yourself like that. Xander sees you as a superhero. He and Remy look up to you. Emily says you're her best friend. You're the one person I can literally be one hundred percent myself with and tell everything too. I'm can't even do that with Emma. You're everything to Natalya. So you're nowhere near worthless."

"Yes…yes, I am." Alfred whispered still trembling. Matthew was glad that Alfred had had the sense to come over. If this had happened with just himself and Xander, there would have been an issue. Xander wouldn't have been able to understand what was wrong with his daddy.

There was a small knock on the door and Emily's little voice came through, "Daddy, is Uncle Alfie here? I wanna give him a hug!"

"Hold on, Emily." Matthew called. He looked at Alfred who was staring at the wall as tears poured out of his eyes. "Do you want to see Emily?" He asked softly. Alfred wiped his tears and nodded. He stood up and opened the door to attack hug his niece. She squealed as he wiggled from side to side causing her to giggle hysterically.

"Uncle Alfie, did you know that a P wif a H makes a f sound?"

"Yes, ma'am I did!"

"I don't get it."

"Me either." Alfred made a face. "You should tell Grandpa his people are crazy."

"Huh?"

"He's English. His people made up the language."

"Are you and Daddy English too?" Matthew bit his lip at the question. He'd always wondered what their background was.

"You know what, Miss Emily? I haven't the slightest idea."

"Are you French like Pépé?"

"I don't know about that either." Alfred told her. Matthew was so relieved that Alfred seemed to be okay. He knew that he was probably still going to wake up tomorrow and refuse to get out of bed, but for now Emily was keeping his depression at bay.

"How come you don't know?" She asked.

"Because your daddy and I are super special and were adopted."

"Adopted?"

"Yeah. Remember how I told you where babies come from?" She nodded. "So we have two daddies which means…what do you think that means?" She thought for a second, her little finger tapping her chin.

"That Pépé getted a baby?" Alfred and Matthew laughed.

"Why do you think it was Pépé? Grandpa's Mama."

"Cuz he's more like a girl." Matthew fell on the bed laughing with tears running down his face.

"Well you know that was a really good guess, Emily, but no. Boys can't have babies because we don't have that magic superpower."

"Oooh, okay! Did Gwandpa make you with magic?"

"That's another really good guess, but still no."

"Then what is adopted?"

"Well there was a mommy and daddy who loved each other a lot and two babies magically appeared in the mommy's tummy."

"You and Daddy?" Alfred nodded.

"But this mommy and daddy were really young and they couldn't take care of the babies the way that babies have to be taken care of. They loved us a whole lot, so they decided to find someone who could love and take care of us instead."

"Gwampa and Pépé?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Oh okay." She was quiet, her little head resting on her uncle's chest. She looked up at him. "Are you sad?"

"Huh?"

"That you don't know you mommy and daddy?" Alfred glanced at Matthew.

"Um…I…I never really thought about it."

"I'd be really sad if I didn't know Mommy and Daddy."

"Well we had Grandpa and Pépé. They were our daddies."

"But what about a mommy? Aren't you sad you didn't have a mommy? I love my mommy. She helps me wif my hair. Daddy learned, but mommy already knowed. Mommies know even more than daddies."

"Emily…" Alfred said quietly. Matthew watched, worried.

"Hm?"

"Emily, this might sound mean, but I don't really care about my mommy and daddy. I have two daddies and that's who raised us and who loves us now."

"That's not nice, Uncle Alfie!"

"I know…but it's the truth. Please don't say anything like that again. Pépé is the best parent I could have ever asked for and I love him so much, okay?"

"Okay." She smiled and kissed his cheek.


	4. Is slowly fading

Matthew dropped Remy off with Natalya, happily surprised to see his brother was laughing on the couch. He was sitting on the couch cross-legged watching Spiderman, Xander in his arms. Remy jumped on the couch next to him happily. Alfred put an arm around him and hugged him.

"What's up, little dude?" He asked with a smile.

"How's he doing?" Matthew asked..

"He's actually doing really well. Natalya glanced at her husband with now tear filled eyes. "Matthew, about last night…I thought…I thought that was behind us. I thought him having breakdowns had stopped. It took me so to get him to fall asleep last night. I convinced him to call in. He barely slept an hour." She ran her hand through her hair. "If this is starting again, I don't know how I'm going to handle this pregnancy. My hormones are already crazy." Matthew hugged her.

"Nattles, it's hard…I know that, but you need to understand major depression and generalized anxiety disorder as well as bulimia and anorexia aren't curable. They don't go away. All he can do is take his meds and make his appointments."

"I give him his medicine when he needs to take it. I have a timer on my phone. I make sure he goes to his doctor and I just." She started crying. "I'm sorry, it's the pregnancy hormones." She laughed wiping the tears off her face. "You know I'm not usually like this."

"Don't apologize for feeling your emotions." Matthew said.

"Thank you. I just keep hoping he's going to be okay. He gets so close to the boy I fell in love with, but never quite gets there. You know I think I fell in love with him the day he was playing king of the jungle gym and he made my brother and sister let me play. I like how he always included me and I wasn't just Ivan's annoying little sister to him."

"No, you were Ivan's annoying little sister." Matthew laughed. "But you grew on us. He actually let you play with us all the time because you beat him up that one time he told you girls couldn't play with us because girls had cooties." They laughed at the memory.

Alfred, Matthew and Ivan were all six and Natalya had been four. She had come to the park with Ivan and their older sister, Kat. Kat had gone to play with the older kids, but Natalya always followed Ivan around like she was his shadow. When he saw his two best friends, he immediately went to play with them. Natalya had wanted to play, but Alfred had told her that girls had cooties and she couldn't play with them because she was a girl. She had glared at him and demanded to be allowed to play. He told her no and stuck out his tongue at her. He had turned around to take his place as king on the jungle gym and she jumped on him and started scratching and biting and punching and slapping him. She wouldn't stop and kept yelling at him that girls could do anything that boys could do and that he was stupid. Ivan had stared with scared eyes and wouldn't let Matthew go help his brother. It wasn't until Arthur had seen and pulled the still flailing girl of the crying and bloody boy that Alfred was saved. He ran behind Arthur sobbing and holding tight to him. He had cuddled with Arthur for the rest of the day while Matthew played with Ivan. After that day, he had never told Natalya she couldn't play with them.

She brushed the tears off her face. "He's never going to be that person again, is he? The strong, rock solid king of the world?"

"No." Matthew whispered. She looked down and nodded before smiling.

"Is it bad that I actually love him more because he's not perfect? Because for a long time I thought I could never be with him because he was perfect."

"It's never bad to love someone." Matthew smiled. Natalya nodded and hugged him for a moment.

"I'm really lucky to have you as a friend and my brother." She told him softly. Suddenly she perked up. "By the way…I was just wondering…how do you and Emma feel about having another baby?"

"I don't know about Emma, but it think it'd be great. I've always wanted a big family. It was really hard for me when my parents divorced and Alfred was in the hospital because I felt so lonely. I mean, I loved spending so much time with Papa, but you know." He shrugged. Natalya smiled at him happily.

"I think it'd be cool to be pregnant together." Matthew laughed. "Anyway come say hi to your brother. I'll get you something to take with you to work." She pulled Matthew behind her as she led him into the living room. "Mattie's here." Alfred looked up, then back at the TV.

"What's up?" Matthew asked cheerfully.

"I'm watching Spiderman." Alfred said in a cheerful voice. He glanced at his brother. "I'm feeling a million times better." He grinned as he buried his cheek in Xander's hair.

"That's good. Are you still okay with going to the courthouse today? I'm going on my lunch break."

"Um…yeah." He smiled.

Arthur had decided that he wanted to abandon his surname altogether not long after he had gotten back together with Francis. When he remarried Francis, he dropped it and took his. It was part of his healing process to cut all ties to the family who had abandoned him. He had requested from the boys to drop Kirkland from their last name as well because the thought that the name would continue brought him to tears, so the boys had agreed. They used the requested use of simply Bonnefoy, though on all legal documents, they still used the hyphenated Bonnefoy-Kirkland which meant it was the name they used at work. When Arthur called Matthew's work line, hearing Kirkland really bothered him. Their parents had been pestering the two men to get the name legally changed. The brothers didn't really mind it. They had even thought about it when their parents divorced and they were still angry at Arthur, but they never legally changed it. At a final request by a tearful Arthur, Matthew had promised to get it changed within the week. All of their kids had simply Bonnefoy as their last name as well as their wives.

"Okay. I'll meet you there?"

Alfred nodded staring at the movie before throwing his hands up yelling, "Booya!" as Spiderman did something that Matthew didn't see before hugging a giggling and clapping Xander. Xander clapped in his dad's face.

"Yay!" He cooed with a proud smiled.

"Yay!" Alfred said back to him and kissing him on the cheek. "Xander, you always know how to spot the hero. I've taught you well." Alfred told the two year old who just clapped again.

"Yeah." He smiled, his face scrunching up again and he cuddled into Alfred's chest sucking his thumb and looking back at the screen. Alfred smiled down at him and looked back at Matthew.

"Sorry, Spiderman was kicking so much bad guy butt." Matthew was so relieved that the episode had been short lived and his brother was back to having fun with his little boy. "I'll meet you there and maybe we can get some lunch? I know you have to go back to work, but it'd be cool to have some twin time."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Matthew was surprised his brother had asked him to lunch. Alfred had not asked him to get food with him since they were sixteen and he had refused to eat in public since he got out of treatment when he was eighteen. He had developed a sort of phobia of eating around too many people that was part of the psychology behind his eating disorder.

"Super cool. Okay, Mattie, just call me when you're free." Alfred smiled. Matthew looked at Natalya who was standing open mouthed and blinking with a pastry and coffee in her hands. She offered it to Matthew. When he took it she grabbed his arm and walked him to the door.

"He's never taken me to get food in the eight years! I've been with him! You know what our honeymoon was like? Takeout or room service in the hotel! We have been married four years and not once has he even drunk coffee in public!" She glared at Matthew. "You know how badly I want him to take me out like that? I mean I understand that he just can't, but now he can! Mattie, if he takes me out of so much as coffee or ice cream, I'm dropping Xander off with you because it'll be so romantic and I'll have to come home and fuck his brains out." Matthew blinked at Natalya.

"Um…okay. Have fun." He patted her head. "Bye, Natalya."

"Matthew Bonnefoy, I am fucking serious!" She called after him from the porch.

"Don't curse in front of the kids, Nattles!"

"Shut up!" She said throwing her head back. He laughed and went back to her.

"If things go well today, I'll tell him to take you out."

"You'd do that?"

"What can I say? I'm a good fucking brother."

"Don't curse in front of the kids, Mattie." Matthew laughed.

"Shut up." He pushed her playfully like they did when they were kids. She glared up playfully at him. She grabbed his arm suddenly.

"Mattie…I need you to hook me up. I cannot even explain to you how horny I am and he still has body image issues and even though I try, try, try to tell him he's drop dead sexy, he doesn't believe me and we barely do it. You know how long it took me to lose my virginity? This is why it took so long to have Xander. If you can convince him to do me…" She closed her eyes and smiled. "Please, Matthew."

"You're kind of weirding me out Natalya."

"I don't care. Just do it."

"I'll do my best." He said backing away from her. He never thought in a million years he'd have to get his twenty-nine year old married brother laid.

* * *

Matthew decided to take off for rest of the day when he took his lunch break. He didn't know what to expect with the lunch date with Alfred. He found his brother leaning against the building as he pulled into the parking lot. Alfred smiled at him as he walked up. "So this is it, huh? We're getting rid of that annoying hyphen."

"Yeah." Matthew smiled at him. The brothers filled out the necessary forms and process for the name change before exiting the building side by side.

"So…" Matthew said swiveling to face his brother.

"So?" Alfred gave him a questioning look.

"So." Matthew shrugged.

"Come on, I'm hungry." Alfred said as he descended the stairs.

"Where are we going?" Matthew questioned. Alfred stopped and took a deep breath.

"I don't know, Matthew. I don't eat out."

"Well…what kind of food do you want eat?"

"Pizza…" Alfred sounded unsure. "I haven't had pizza in a long time. I think I want pizza." Matthew nodded. Alfred hadn't eaten his favorite foods since he finished treatment. He used to love pizza and burgers, but since getting out he preferred to eat lean meats, fruits and vegetables. Matthew knew it was his way of doing weight control, but being healthy about it.

"There's a Pizza Hut around here if you want to go." Alfred took another deep breath and nodded.

"Okay." Alfred followed his brother to Matthew's car. Matthew drove in silence to the restaurant. He glanced at his brother. Alfred was unbuckling his seat belt.

"How are you doing?" Alfred paused.

"Will you stop treating me like that?" Alfred said quietly. "I need to be able to do this kind of thing, Matthew. You know when Xander and the baby get older, they're going to want to do these things and I…I'm not about to tell them that I'm the reason they can't. I'm not going to let Natalya take them alone. I'm not going to ever let them know what's wrong, so I need to do this. I need to do this with you."

"We could have brought Emily. She helps you calm down." Alfred shook his head. "She can't…I don't want her to know I have a problem either."

"Okay." Matthew said softly.

The two went into the restaurant and Matthew allowed his brother to pick their seat. Alfred chose a table in the center of the room. Matthew bit his lip and looked around the crowed joint.

"Freddy…do you think this is a good place to sit?"

"Just fucking sit down." Alfred snapped as he fidgeted. Matthew sat. "So how long do you have for your break?"

"I took off the rest of the day. Emma gets home at 5:30."

"Okay, cool. So here's the plan: I need you to not let me leave until I eat at least two slices of pizza."

"Freddy, if you start freaking out, I'm not going to make you stay in here." Alfred held his face in his hands and rubbed his face.

"You can't let me get to that point." He snapped. Matthew took a deep breath.

"Okay. I'll try."

"Fuck, Matthew!" Alfred slapped the table causing Matthew to jump. "You are my twin brother. You went to school to become a counselor. You alone can get me to do so much and calm down so much and all you're going to say is that you'll try?"

"What the hell do you want me to say, Freddy? You want me to say that you can do this? Honestly I think sitting in the middle of the room is too much. Maybe we can sit on the side and work your way up."

"No." Alfred shook his head. "It has to be here. I can do this, Mattie." He whispered, tears shining in his eyes. "I just need you to believe in me and help me."

"Okay, but I'm not going to force you do something."

"If you let me leave before I eat a minimum of two slices, I swear to God, Matthew…" Matthew stared at Alfred. He brother looked very hurt, scared and anxious, but he also recognized determination. It reminded him of the defiant Alfred he'd grown up with who had the strong spirit.

"Okay, Alfred. Let's do this." They ordered a pizza and Alfred sat fidgeting as they waited.

"So…I have a question." Matthew said playing with his drink.

"What?" Alfred asked sipping his water.

"You told Emily that you didn't care about our bio parents."

"Yeah, I did."

"Well…growing up we always wanted to meet them and get to know them. We kind of dreamt of that day we could actually meet them." Alfred absently dripped water onto a paper towel.

"Yeah."

"Well why do you suddenly not care? I really want to contact them, Freddy. We made a pact that we'd meet them when things were better, when we were happier."

"Exactly."

"I don't understand."

"Mattie…I can't eat in front of people. I have days where it is all I can do to keep myself from purging. There are days when I have to force myself to eat with my six year old niece. There are times when I just freak out and I'm terrified over nothing. I crumble in tears over nothing. _Nothing._ Literally nothing, Mattie. I am twenty-nine years old and I find myself sobbing in the shower unable to even get up despite the fact that the water is freezing partly due to the fact that I can't find the energy and partly due to the fact that I don't want my wife to see me like that. I can't look in mirrors. I am so fucked up. Why would I want them to see me like this when I can let them live thinking that those two charming European men raised us in a happy house with rainbows and butterflies? I don't want them to see what happened to me. I don't them to hate themselves for what happened. I don't want them to know what happened. And the worst thing, Mattie is that I couldn't take meeting them and them not wanting to talk to me again. You can meet them if you want, but I don't. Hell, they can even meet Xander, but they're not going to meet me." Alfred shrugged.

Matthew stared at his brother. He felt the urge to cry and swallowed it. Alfred had stopped talking to him about his problems long ago, so the sudden insight into what was going on with him.

"Freddy…" The waiter came and placed the pizza on their table and handed them two plates. Matthew's stomach growled. "Thank you." He told the waiter. He took a couple sliced and set them on his plate before he started eating. He looked at Alfred to see him staring at the pizza on the table.

"So tell me about Xander. How's he doing?" Matthew said nudging his brother's leg with his foot. Alfred snapped out of it and smiled at him as he hesitantly took a slice of pizza. He glanced around and set the slice down.

"He's doing well, really well." Alfred at a bit of the pizza he had pulled of the slice. "You know it's crazy how fast he's growing. He still only speaks only a few words at a time, but," Alfred ate a little more, "he really communicates well. We're planning on waiting to tell him he's going to be a big brother until like the last month or so because he can't wait very long. He's not patient since he's two and all." Alfred smiled as he continued eating. "He likes to wake me up in the morning by crawling up in the bed and sitting on me so I can go watch cartoons with him." Matthew noticed he'd eaten the full slice of pizza he continued to talk about Xander.

Alfred paused and noticed as well. He hugged himself and slid down in his chair glancing at everyone. He was shaking and tears were forming in his eyes. Matthew nudged him again. Alfred glanced at the pizza. "You can do it, Freddy. Talk to me about the new baby on the way."

"Uh…um…I…"

"Alfred, you can do this."

"They're all staring at me." He whispered.

"Freddy, nobody is even looking at you." Matthew said softly. "Go on, have another slice and tell me about your new baby. Tell me what you think it is, what you hope it is, plans you and Natalya have." Alfred managed to take a slice of pizza and set it on his plate. He glanced around again.

"I…Mattie…" His voice was shaking as a booth of people erupted into laughter.

"Freddy, what do you think Natalya is going to have? Boy or girl?"

"I don't know."

"What do you hope it is?"

"I want a little girl so badly. I mean I love Xander. He's perfect. It's just the love of a little girl is so different. I just always felt it with Emily. It's different with boys." He ate a couple of the toppings.

"Are you and Nat going to make a nursery like you did for Xander?"

"Yeah."

"Talk to me about that."

"We talked about it a little bit. Um…if it's a girl we're going to…" He tensed up and closed his eyes as someone walked past the table. Matthew hated seeing his brother so uncomfortable, but he knew that his brother was stubborn and really could do this.

"Go on, it's okay." Matthew pressed.

"We're going to do it princess theme. You know how Natalya is about that stuff being a photographer and party planner. She loves themes. So the walls are going to be like a lilac color with white trim. We're going to have her name across the wall. We decided if it's a girl we're going to name her Anastasia. We'll call her Ana for short and if anyone calls her Anna, we're going to be so annoyed. I know it's going to be confusing because you say the name with Anna at the beginning, but yeah. So we're going to have that. Natalya wants to paint this big castle on the wall and we're going to hang princesses all over the wall. We're going have white shelving and crib and everything." He was already down to eating half of his slice.

"Can I get you gentleman anything?" The waiter said. Alfred was tense and staring at his lap.

"We're good." Matthew said with a smile. The waiter left and Matthew turned his attention back to his Alfred. "And if it's a boy?"

"Well we haven't decided on a boy name yet, but Natalya wants to do the room blue with black trim and make it like a pirate theme. Of course she wants dark brown wood furniture. She's going to paint a ship with pirates. I think it will pretty cool." Matthew smiled as his brother took the last bite and sipped on his water. Alfred went to pick another piece of pizza off his plate and stared at Matthew with a huge smile and teary eyes.

"I…I did it." He laughed. "Let's though, dude. My anxiety is at like a ten." He stood up and practically ran out the restaurant. Matthew sighed, but was happy his brother had accomplished this feat. He went to the car.

"So…Alfred…how are you feeling?" Matthew asked as he drove back toward city hall to drop his brother off at his car.

"I'm not going to lie, I am shaky as hell and I definitely need some anxiety meds right now, but I actually feel amazing." He let out a laugh. "I can't believe I did that. Remember we used to always go out to eat."

"Yeah." Matthew smiled. "I'm really proud of you, Freddy. That was a really big step. I'm really glad you are so stubborn." Alfred laughed.

"Yeah, dude."

"So listen…I kind of promised Natalya something if this went well."

"What?" Alfred asked.

"She wants you to take her out, like for coffee or something. And…she always wants you to sleep with her."

"She asked you that?"

"Her exact words were that she was horny and she wanted to fuck your brains out." Matthew smiled and glanced at Alfred who had a strange look on his face.

"Natalya asked you do talk to me about that?" He repeated.

"Yeah…" Matthew was nervous. Alfred pulled his feet into the seat and hugged himself. Matthew glanced at him and saw him staring out the window. "Alfred, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything."

"Mattie, pull over."

"Alfred…"

"Mattie, just stop the car." Matthew sighed and pulled over. Alfred looked at him with his blue eyes shining with tears. "I can't believe she talked to you about that."

"Alfred, we've been friends forever."

"So?"

"She just thought that because I am your brother…"

"IT'S NOT YOUR BUISNESS!" Alfred snapped as the tears fell down his face.

"I know." Matthew said quietly. "I mean I know she talked to you about it first. I know that you're hurt by this, but she didn't mean it like that. She was asking me like a friend who wanted to get set up." Alfred shook his head.

"You know what really hurts about the fact that she talked to you about that?"

"What?"

"She didn't talk to me about it."

"She…didn't?"  
"No. She stopped talking to me about awhile back." Alfred hugged his knees. "Mattie, this is why I said I shouldn't have gotten married. I get so scared to even do it with my own wife. I just…when I think about it, I just think that I love her so much. What if she thinks I'm disgusting? I know everyone says that I'm not fat or overweight or all of that, but that's how I see myself. That's how I feel. I feel like I'm disgusting. And then I have all kinds of scars and I just…I love her so much."

"Alfred…you have a child with her and she's pregnant with another child. She's seen it all before. She's attracted to you and she loves you. Now think about this. She's pregnant and you tell her you don't want to have sex with her. She thinks that it's because she's unattractive. So then you have two amazing people who think the other doesn't find them attractive. Here's what you get, hurt feelings and divorce and a broken heart. That's what you get. So Alfred, I know it's hard for you, but you just sat in a room full of people who you were convinced were staring at you and laughing at you, but you did it. You sat there and you ate in public for the first time in eleven years. You could do that. Why don't you try the same determination with Natalya?" Alfred shook his head slowly

"Matthew, bro you're a freakin' genius!" Alfred laughed and hugged Matthew.

* * *

Matthew arrived at his brother's house to find Alfred was already home. He entered the house and found Alfred and Natalya making out on the couch. The quickly jumped apart. Matthew blushed and looked away. "Sorry." He mumbled.

"Don't apologize." Natalya laughed. "You're like the best wingman ever. Don't worry, the kids are taking a nap."

"You two enjoy Alfred's…determination." Matthew laughed. "I'll baby sit Xander."

"Sweet thanks, bro!" Alfred laughed before pulling Natalya behind him and disappearing the bedroom.

"Have fun!" Matthew called before going into Xander's room to get the two boys to take them to his home.

* * *

**_There ya go! I promise the next chapter is gonna be hella fluffy. Let me know if you'd like some spiciness in the next chapter and it will be done. =)_**


	5. Would She Hear Me If I Called Her Name?

_**This chapter has half centered with Matthew and half centered with Alfred. I thought it would be important to see what's going on there, plus AmeBela fluff is just perfect. Anyway, here goes!**_

* * *

Matthew had been sitting on Alfred's couch waiting for Emma and Natalya to finish what they were doing or for his brother to get home. He had been holding Emily tightly to his side and Rémy in his lap and Xander cuddling on the other side earlier. He was watching a movie with them, but they had both fallen asleep and he had laid them in the room for a nap.

He heard a key in the door and Alfred walked in. Alfred smiled at him and plopped down on the couch. "What up, broseph?" Alfred smiled.

"Hey, Freddy."

"I still think it's hilarious that you wear a suit all day. Is Papa still pestering you about getting it fit?" Matthew glanced at his brother's very lose turquoise scrubs and the black long sleeved shirt under it.

When Alfred got out of treatment, he always wore his clothes loose which drove savvy Francis' fashion insane. He always wore pants and long sleeves. In fact, Matthew didn't think he'd ever seen his brother's arms or legs since they were sixteen. He refused to go swimming or let anyone really see much of his body besides Natalya.

"Why?" Matthew asked.

"Because you look so…"

"Suave? Sophisticated? Professional?" Alfred rolled his eyes.

"No, you look like our parents."

"Suave, sophisticated and professional, got it." Matthew nodded.

"That's not what I said!" Alfred smirked. Matthew laughed.

"Our parents are like the stereotypical European metro guys everyone goes crazy over. I guess they're also stereotypical gay men the fashion sense. I find those two stereotypes offensive, don't you? Papa's not even gay."

"I think it's ridiculous." Alfred mumbled playing with his badge. "And people think that just because they're married means that they're gay. I don't even know if they are. And because they think they're gay and they're European, people think they know how to dress. Well I mean they do, but that's not why. I hated people saying that all the time. Just because they're two dudes who are in love, doesn't make them gay. Sheesh, people are ignorant."

"We know Papa's not." Matthew laughed. "Mama never talks about it."

"Anyway, it's so ridiculous because fashion is just Papa's thing and you know he's not gonna let Mama go out looking less than stylish. I don't even think Mama cares. He just does it so that Papa will be happy. Remember how Papa used to hate that you would wear jeans and a hoodie all the time? He'd be like, Mathieu, you know I can take you to get clothes at the mall if you want me to. You don't have to wear that." Alfred mimicked his father's accent as both boys did when quoting or mimicking either of their fathers. They were able to do it flawlessly having grown up with both.

"Don't you want to dress more stylish, Mathieu?" Matthew mimicked as well. "Um, no Papa. I want to wear jeans and pullover hoodie." Alfred pretended to faint. The boys laughed. "Freddy, you should have seen him the other day when I dropped Rémy off. He looked like he wanted to pull his skin off because of the fit of my suit."

"I'm telling you, Mattie. It's hilarious that you wear a suit."

"Remember how he was when I got married?" Alfred laughed.

"I don't know exactly what he was saying since he was speaking French, but I got that it was something along the lines of you were all grown and he was proud of you. All the while he's saying this to you, he's adjusting your tux and hair and glasses and picking off pieces of lint. Then he comes and attacks me with that particularity about clothes he has. It was hilarious watching him with Mama."

"'Arthur, stop complaining! Our son is getting married! You need to look nice!' And he's adjusting him and Mama is just grumbling the whole time and trying to push his hands away and make him stop. And finally he realizes it's not gonna work…" Matthew was laughing too hard to finish.

"So Mama pulled Papa's shirt out of his pants and Papa just gasped like he'd just seen someone kill someone and Mama took his hands so he couldn't fix it before he grabbed him by the jacket and started shoving his tongue down his throat."

"'Honestly, Arthur, this is no time for your games!' And Mama just kept messing up his clothes." Matthew and Alfred smiled wide at the memories.

"He wasn't quite that bad at my wedding." Alfred said.

"Well that was because he and Mama were engaged again and Mama kept asking him about party details to distract him. In the end though, I have better photos."

"Oh my gosh, remember their wedding?" Alfred asked with horror on his face.

"Papa was running around getting all bothered that things weren't matching and that our suits were properly fitted and poor Mama was getting lectured on the proper way to wear a formal suit as he was fixing it."

"'OH MY GOD, FRANCIS, STOP IT! YOU'RE BLOODY STRESSING ME OUT! I WISH I HAD REQUESTED THE BLOODY RULE THAT YOU COULDN'T BLOODY SEE ME UNTIL WE WERE AT THE BLOODY ALTER!" Alfred mimicked.

"'Oh, contraire, mon amour! If you had done that I would just be fixing you during the vows.'"

"'YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A WANKER!'"

"'Oh…I thought I was…remember.' And then he winked at him before kissing him. Mama looked all shy and was blushing. I didn't know whether it was cute or disgusting." Matthew chuckled.

"But they were so happy."

"Soooo happy!" Matthew smiled. Alfred chuckled again.

"Can you imagine Papa getting Mama dressed every morning and Mama just grumbling about it?"

"Yes. He'd be so annoyed."

"Are you two making fun of your dads?" Natalya asked as she and Emma emerged from whatever they had been doing.

"Maaaaybe." Alfred smiled and pulled her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Stop it." She smiled and kissed him.

"But they're so funny."

"You shouldn't make fun of your parents. Do you want Xander to make fun of you?" Alfred shrugged.

"If I'm funny." Natalya sighed and kissed him. Matthew watched them with a soft smile. Emma emerged from the back.

"Hey there, sexy." She winked at him and glanced at Alfred and Natalya. "I don't get them." She said. "They're either old people cuddly or teenage horny."

"Shut up!" Natalya and Alfred both said somehow not moving their lips from the other's. Emma laughed.

"Natalya, are you going to come up for air?" Emma laughed. Natalya pulled back and pressed her face against Alfred's.

"To be continued?" She asked with a giggle.

"To be continued." He winked at her. Natalya adjusted herself to sit in Alfred's lap with her head against his chest.

"Oh, I got this for you." Emma said handing Matthew a lemon. He glanced at it.

"What?"

"It's a lemon." She smiled.

"Uh…thanks?" He said confused. She just stared at him with an excited smile and her eyes dancing.

"Look at it." She smiled.

"Yes, Em, it's a lemon." He laughed.

"No…like _look_ at it." He sighed and stared at it. It was just an ordinary lemon. "Turn it around." He did as instructed and then looked back at her still confused. She handed him an envelope. He pulled a card out.

CONGRATULATIONS, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! The card read. He blinked.

"Emma, what did I do? If I did something wrong, just tell me. I'm an idiot, really. I'm definitely not a mind reader."

"Just read the card." He sighed and proceeded to open it. Matthew glanced at Natalya as she made a noise. She just cuddled closer to Alfred.

"Lemon makes three." Matthew blinked again and glanced at her.

"I don't get it." He laughed. Emma glanced at Natalya who was pressing her lips together. Emma giggled.

"Okay…" She leaned over and whispered in his ear. _"Our third baby is the size of this lemon right now. I'm thirteen weeks."_

"Non…" He stared at her with wide, happy eyes.

"Oui." She smiled. He hugged her tightly.

"Okay, so can someone please tell me what's going on? I'm so confused." Alfred said. Natalya looked at him.

"Shush, you." She kissed him. "They're having a moment."

"Just tell me what's going on." He murmured.

"I said shush." She giggled.

"I need to learn a new language so I can have secret conversations too."

"Don't you understand French?" Natalya laughed.

"A little." Matthew turned to Alfred.

_"She's going to have another baby. It's the size of a lemon. She's thirteen weeks."_ He said in their twin talk they had made up as kids. They barely used it anymore, so Alfred was surprised that he remembered it.

_"Aw, really? That's so great!"_ Alfred hugged his brother.

_ "I know!"_

"I got Natalya to help me tell you in a cute way." Emma said

"Well it was cute. I'm surprised." He hugged her tightly. "So Natalya, I guess this is why you were asking me those questions a few days ago?" She nodded.

"I love you, Mattie!" She hugged him tightly. "I'll hook a brother up!"

"Mommy!" Emily ran to Emma, tears running down her face. Emma picked her up and hugged her.

"What's wrong?" Emma asked.

"I had…had a scary dream." Emily sobbed into her mother's chest.

"What was your dream?" Emma asked. She looked up at everyone in room before sucking on her thumb.

"I dreamed that everyone got hurt." She said softly through her tears.

"Nobody's hurt. Hey, Emily, I know something that will make you happy." Emma smiled.

"What?" She asked wiping her face.

"Should we tell her?" Emma asked Matthew. He nodded. "You're going to be a big sister again." Emily gave a sly look on her face.

"You and Aunt Nat are having babies?"

"Yes."

"That's a lot of magic." She said softly as she laid against her mom. She sat up suddenly and went to Alfred. "Uncle Alfie can I take you to show and tell?" She asked, eyes wide.

"When?" He laughed.

"Friday!"

"Do you know what time?" She shook her head.

"They do show and tell at noon on Fridays." Matthew told him. Alfred nodded.

"Well I think I can maybe do that. What are you going to tell?"

"Um…it's a secret." She giggled covering her mouth.

"Okay." He brushed the hair out of her eyes.

"Everyone is going to be so jealous." She smiled.

"Totally." Alfred gave her a fist bump and made it explode. She did the same.

"Emily, come here." Matthew said softly. She looked at him with a smile before crawling in her father's lap.

"Daddy, I want to play with Uncle Alfie." She whispered loudly.

"You like him better than me?" Matthew asked with a gasp. She looked down and then back up with a smile.

"I love you, Daddy." She kissed his cheek before crawling over to sit between the twins. She laid her head again Alfred.

"That's just mean." Matthew muttered.

* * *

Natalya laid sat on her feet on the bed waiting for Alfred to finish brushing his teeth. She watched him happily. There were times in their marriage, she couldn't believe she married him. She had to pinch herself to make sure it was real. He dried his mouth and set his glasses on the sink. She stood up as he came to sit on the bed. She grabbed a glass of water and handed it to him before opening the pill organizer in the top drawer of the dresser and pouring his medicine into her hand. She handed it to him. He rolled his eyes and threw the pills in his mouth and drank the water. She put the pills back in the drawer where Xander couldn't get to it.

"I hate having to take those things." Alfred mumbled.

"You know how you get when you don't take them." She said sitting next to him again and kissing his neck. He sipped his water as she kept kissing him.

"Nat?" She sat back and looked at him softly.

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever…do you ever regret this?" He wouldn't look at her.

"What? Alfie…why would I regret this?"

"You know why." He whispered.

"Baby, I don't regret anything." She took his face in her hands. "I have known you since you were five years old. I have grown up with you. I have seen you hit rock bottom and claw your way out. You're amazing, Alfred."

She straddled his lap and took the edge of his shirt and pushed it up. He stopped her. "I can't…not…not now."

"Alfred, don't talk."

"I can't do this, Nat." He whispered with tears in his eyes. "It's exhausting to be happy all day. I just can't let Mattie see me like this. I can't be like this at work. I can't let my parents see this. Xander…I never want him to see me like this. You're the only one who knows how not okay I am." She kissed the tears on his cheeks.

"You're the strongest fucking person I know." She said softly. "And the sweetest. Believe me, Alfie, I don't mind you letting your guard down with me. I love every piece of you. Every single piece, even the shards."

"I love you, Nat." He kissed her softly. "How can you even want to be with someone as gross as me?"

"You're not gross."  
"Yes, I am. I'm not going to talk about the main reason because you get mad when I say that I'm fat, so I'm just going to say this. I am so scarred physically and mentally.".  
"Scars are beautiful." She smiled.

"No...no, they're not. How are they beautiful." She took his shirt again

"Natalya, I'm serious. I'm not in the mood."

"I'm not trying to have sex." She smiled. "I'm trying to show you how scars can be beautiful." He closed his eyes. She slid the shirt off. She gently touched the scar on his chest from the central line. "This shows where your heart is." She kissed it. Her hands traveled down to his abdomen and ran her fingers over the multiple scars from his surgeries. There were a few small scars from the laparoscopic surgeries and a large scar from the emergency exploratory surgery. "This…these…these mean you have guts." She slid off his lap so that she could kiss each one, careful not to miss an inch." She slid her hands back up his chest and down his arms before she held his forearms. She ran her finger over the large purple scars that ran vertically on each arm.

Alfred closed his eyes again and looked away. Natalya was the only person who knew about these. He knew the hospital hadn't said anything to Francis because he wasn't a minor as far as the law was concerned when it came to mental health. He didn't want anyone else to know. He had been so scared when she found out.

"These…these represent that there is a purpose. You're supposed to be alive. That's why you didn't die." She kissed them.

"Funny, I thought I didn't die because another person in the facility saw me in my room. I thought it was because they took me to the hospital." Natalya shook her head.

The month he had been in the hospital being force fed and having breakdowns every day had gotten to him. He just wanted to die. He'd seen how sad Matthew looked. He'd seen how stressed Francis was. When he found out about the divorce, he knew it was because of him. He had seen his father breakdown the first and only time in his entire twenty-nine years. He started thinking they would be happier without him ruining everything. He knew that Francis and Arthur made each other happy. He wanted the happy. He knew how much Matthew didn't want to tell Francis about Alfred's issues. Alfred figured they'd be better off without him, but he had no energy due to the depression to even look for something he could use. Alfred had entered the treatment facility and his antidepressants were starting to work, but hadn't quite gotten to the level that it needed to be to be effective against his depression. He had energy and he was still depressed. He had It was a common occurrence. That way why a side effect of antidepressants was increased risk of suicide. He had searched every inch of the facility for something sharp. Eventually he found a shard of metal in the commons during group therapy, which was really more playing games than therapy in Alfred's mind. He didn't know where it came from, but he had slipped it into his pocket before he had gone to his room. He didn't even feel it when he plunged the metal into his arm and cut down the artery on both arms. He was so tired of being a disappointment and he wasn't about to get even fatter, he had thought.

"Scars tell stories, Alfie." Natalya whispered.

"They're terrible stories." He whispered back.

"Maybe so, but you're stronger now. So you had a not so great day today? You'll have a better day tomorrow. I believe in you, okay? I love you and I believe in you. You are going to get through this. You are seriously my hero, okay? I don't know what I would do without you. You're Xander's hero too." She took his hand and put it on her stomach. "This baby…you're her hero."

"Her?" His eyes lit up.

"It's still too early to tell, but this one feels like a girl."

"God, I hope so. I mean a boy would be just a great."

"This is going to be a girl. She's going to be the biggest daddy's girl in the world, even a bigger daddy's girl than Emily. She going to follow you around and you're going to be her first love. Every little girl's first love is her daddy. She's going to climb in your lap and tell you about her day. You know how when you're around Emily, you don't feel any of it?" Alfred nodded. "She's going to be like that only better. She'll make you so happy that your heart will burst with joy and yeah, you'll still take medicine and go to therapy, but she's going to make it so much easier. The three of us, we're going to support you. We would walk through fire for you." She laughed and he laid her down and kissed her.

"Excuse me for a moment, Natalya." He laid on his stomach with his feet in the air and his chin resting on his folded arms. He pushed himself up and pushed Natalya's shirt up. He smiled at the slightest sigh of a bump. He gently kissed the bump. "Hey there, baby. This is your daddy. I don't know if your ears are working yet, but if they are you should be able to hear me. I already love you so much. I want you to know that. And don't worry about what Mommy and I were talking about. Whether you're a boy or a girl or neither or some combination you'll have to explain, we will love you. We won't care who you love. You can be whatever your heart desires. I just need you to be healthy. I love you. You're going to have the best mommy in the whole world. She's so pretty too. She gives really good hugs and kisses and cuddles. And your big brother is so totally cool. And you're going to have the two most amazing cousins. Oh! You're going to have a third one too! I don't know them yet because they're like you and still cooking, but I'm sure they're going to be great. And your uncle…oh my gosh, my brother is the best person I've ever known. He cares for literally everyone and just wants everyone to be happy. He's my hero. And your aunt Emma is so strong too. You're going to have this killer grandfather who will probably make you the most fashionable baby in the hospital when you're born and I'm sure he'll take you to Paris before you start school and buy you super stylish clothes like he did for Emily. You'll have a grandfather who writes amazing stories and can talk to you about books until the end of time."

Alfred glanced over at Natalya. She was watching with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. He smiled at her despite the crippling depression he was feeling coming on. He prayed that it would be okay after he slept.

"And for mommy's side of the family," he continued, "You have Uncle Ivan who's one of my best friends. He doesn't live close anymore, but you'll get to meet him. He's really great. He likes to give hugs. You have your Auntie Kat. She's also not close, but she visits. Both Uncle Ivan and Auntie Kat are so protective and loving. And your mommy's parents are so sweet. Anyway, kid, this is what I'm trying to say. You're going to have it good when you're ready to come out of the oven. You're already perfect. Never feel like you're not…ever." He kissed Natalya's stomach again. "Good night, baby." He said softly before covering Nat's stomach again.

"Alfred, you are the sweetest! Oh my gosh." She hugged him. He offered a smile and laid down. She snuggled into him and they fell asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

_**I'm sorry this update took so long! I'm about to graduate college and I've been having a lot of projects, papers and tests. Ten days! **_

_**Anyway, please comment!**_


	6. Would She Hold Me If She Knew My Shame?

Two months had passed quickly and uneventfully. Matthew sighed and he glanced at the clock. The day had been slow which meant good things, but Matthew hated how slow the time passed. He rubbed his eyes and responded to some emails before getting his jacket and walking out to meet Emma for lunch. Natalya was joining them, so they were able to see Rémy. He yawned as he made his way to the car. Tonight was going to be a big party at his parents' house for the gender reveal of Alfred and Natalya's baby. He wasn't really in the mood for a party, but he knew Francis and Alfred would kill him if he didn't show. He honestly just wanted to rest and watch a movie on the couch with his family.

He entered the crowded restaurant and his nose was immediately assaulted with the meddling spices and scents of the various foods. His mouth watered and stomach growled, demanding to be fed. He spotted Emma and Natalya seated in a booth talking

"Salut, mon amour!" Emma smiled hugging him as he came to the table.

"Salut, ma chérie." He smiled. "Hello, Natalya."

"Hey, Mattie."

He picked up Rémy. "Salut, petit canard."

"Salut, Daddy!" Rémy smiled and hugged him. "What's up, Xander?" He held his hand out and Xander slapped it.

"Uncle Mattie?"

"Yes?"

"Um…I build a tower!"

"Wif me!" Rémy added. Matthew widened his eyes.

"No way? How big was it?"

"Big as me!" Xander smiled clinging to his mother's shirt. He glanced down at her stomach with big eyes and moved away from his mother's stomach to sit next to her. "Baby kick me!" He scrunched his eyes. "No baby! Bad!" Matthew laughed and looked at Natalya.

"I thought you two were waiting on telling him about the baby."

"We were, but when he was cuddling with me last week and the baby kicked, he got really scared. We figured we would tell him. He doesn't quite get it though. I'm kind of glad he knows so I can answer him when he wants to know why my tummy is bigger. I started showing a lot earlier and more with this one then Xander though. With Xander, I didn't start showing until I was like eighteen weeks. I started showing with this little one a few days after I told Alfred. I feel so huge already." She laughed

"It's because this is your second. Your body's already stretched out before. I started showing with this one at fifteen weeks. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. This one isn't like the first at all. With this one," she motioned to Xander, "I felt like I was dying the first trimester and the second I just had a lot of discomfort and the third I hated life. Every time he would kick me, I felt sick. I could barely breathe. You both remember how miserable I was. And oh my gosh, I would cry at the drop of a hat! This one the first trimester was great. I felt a little queasy. I'm almost out of my second trimester and it's been amazing. I mean I feel like I have to pee all the time, but that's pretty much it. The second time is easier." She laughed and played with Xander's hair. "How's the third time?"

"Amazing." Emma smiled and laid her head against Matthew's shoulder.

"That's great." Natalya sipped her water.

"Mommy, can I pway fort?" Xander asked.

"Not here. When we get home." Xander nodded. The waitress came with their drinks and took their orders. "Do you need help with your milk?" Natalya asked her son putting the straw in the cup. Xander happily drank his milk and smiled at his cousin. The two boys were very close. Natalya gasped and closed her eyes as she pressed against her stomach.

"Baby kicked an organ?" Emma asked with a knowing smile. Natalya nodded not opening her eyes. Emma glanced at Matthew.

"You are so lucky that you'll never experience being kicked in the spleen from the inside." She laughed.

"I think it's kinda cool to be perfectly honest." He said and kissed her.

"Shut up, Matthew." Natalya snapped. Matthew glanced at Emma who was suppressing a laugh. "You and your stupid brother suck."

"What?" Emma put her hand over her face as she shook her head. Natalya was having a moment and Matthew just didn't get it.

"You do this shit to us and then you tell us it's cool. No, shut up! I'm just…I can't even think of a word to describe how much I hate your brother's stupid whore face." She snapped before crying.

"It's okay, Natalya. He's just a stupid man." Emma comforted Natalya. "_You need to learn to shut up."_ Emma whispered in his ear.

_"I feel sorry for Alfred."_ Matthew whispered back. _"No wonder he had so many breakdowns when she was pregnant last time."_

_ "You better be happy I don't get like this." _

_ "Oh I am."_

_ "I'm happy your sperm don't do this shit."_ He winked at her and kissed her.

"Will you two stop it?"

"Mommy, why you cwy?" Xander asked concerned as hugged his mom.

"It's okay, Xander." She hugged him.

"So I take it the hormones get to you?" Emma asked.

"Yeah…they do. They're not as bad this time though!"

"That's good."

"Yeah. Alfie and I are going to my doctor's appointment this afternoon before the party. We're dropping the boys off with Francis and Arthur." Matthew's eyes jumped up to meet Natalya's. "Don't worry, Matthew, I made sure that Francis is there."

"Okay."

"I would really like one of you to tell me what happened one of these days." She sipped her water.

"I'm curious too." Emma said looking at Matthew.

"It doesn't matter. What happened is in the past." Matthew shifted.

"I'm surprised you don't know, Nat. You've know them forever."

"They won't talk about it. They change the subject. All I know is that Alfred and Arthur had a really bad relationship for a while." Matthew let out a laugh. The women looked at him.

"Can you guys stop? I said it's in the past and it doesn't need to be dug up especially not in front of the boys." Matthew's voice as icy.

"Matthew, we just want to understand this silly rule that you two have." Natalya said softly.

"It's not a silly rule!" Matthew said firmly. He tried to calm himself down.

"Mattie…sweetheart, please don't get upset about this."

"No! You know what it doesn't matter, okay? It really doesn't because Alfred and our dad have smoothed everything out and I have let it go. I used to hate him and Alfred hated him so much more, but we don't anymore. We have a good relationship with him. Our parents are past it. We're past it. Our family is past it. It's not either of your business. It happened. It's done. It's been addressed. Leave it."

"Matthew, it actually is our business. It could involve the boys."

"I'm serious, Natalya. Drop it."

"Matthew, you're really scaring me. What happened? I mean it's been long enough, right? And whatever it was caused you two to hate him which you two don't hate anyone. And Francis left him and everyone can tell how in love those two are."

"Nat…"

"Come on, Matthew. At least say you'll tell me later."

"You want to know what he did? You really want to know? You want to know what your father-in-law who you love and are close to did? You'd just end up hating him and that's not good for anyone."

"Now you have to tell me!" Matthew's mind wandered to where it hadn't been in a long while. He could see the look in Arthur's eyes. He could still hear the insults and the sound of the night he beat Alfred. He saw his brother in the hospital bed. He closed his eyes trying to push it away.

"Oh come on, Natalya. It's probably nothing. It was probably some silly teen thing that escalated out of control. I can't see Arthur doing anything terrible. He and Francis are seriously the sweetest men."

"They really are! I've known those two for so long. They were always kind to me. Arthur is just the epitome of an English gentleman. The twins are probably just over exaggerating and making it into a thing." Natalya laughed.

"Over exaggerating? He's the damn reason your husband is so fucked up." Matthew glared jumping up from the table and storming out of the restaurant. He couldn't believe he'd told them that. They hadn't told anyone.

He started unlocking the care door when a hand covered his. He looked up and saw Natalya, her eyes cast downward. "How?" She asked barely above a whisper. "How does someone take a person who was as strong and happy and sweet and kind and wonderful as Alfie and rip them apart leaving a shell of a person who has to struggle every single day to pull the pieces back together?" She was shaking.

"I don't want to talk about it." He muttered.

"AND HOW THE HELL DID THE THREE OF YOU FORGIVE HIM?" She screamed, tears in her eyes.

"He didn't plan it, Natalya and it didn't happen overnight. Papa…Papa still blames himself and hates himself for what happened." Matthew shoved his sleeves up to reveal the faint scars that littered his arms. "This is what he did too. You knew when this was going on. You thought it was angst because that's what I told you. This wasn't teen angst bullshit, Natalya. This was real fucking shit. It was hell living in that house." She brushed the tears out of her eyes.

"What…what happened? I really can't see Francis and Arthur hurting anyone. They've always been so kind." Matthew needed to talk about it. Natalya and Emma should know he decided.

"Papa never hurt us…ever. He is seriously the greatest father in the world in my personal opinion. Mama…he…he would start huge fights with Papa. Papa never held back which I guess wasn't the best thing. So they'd be yelling and throwing stuff at each other and sometimes it would get physical and Freddy and I had to pull them apart. Mama almost always ended up smacking Alfred a few times before he calmed down enough to start crying and apologize to Papa. I don't even remember how many times Mama kicked Papa out and that was hell because then all the hurt he was feeling would be directed at Alfred and I. He's yell at us and push us around and Alfred being Alfred wasn't about to stand around while our father talked to me the way he did or push me around, so he'd intervene which almost always ended with him getting slapped or something, but he really didn't seem to mind. But what I didn't catch and what Papa never realized either was that all these little comments and remarks Mama made throughout the years to Alfred really drove into him. He started stress eating about ten which led to remarks from Mama and by thirteen he apparently was bulimic and anorexic. He apparently went between the two. Then one night I walked in on him having a really bad panic attack and the walls he'd built just shattered and he was just so angry and not himself and he just really wanted to piss Mama off. One night Mama came downstairs drunk and beat the shit out of him while I watched unable to do anything. Papa never knew a thing. We kept it a secret."

"Why would he do that?" She asked as though the world was shattering.

"I don't know the details. The only person Mama shared the details with besides his therapist is Papa. The gist of it is that our grandparents were really terrible people to him. Like _A Child Called It_ fucked up people. He was really, really messed up, but he was hiding it. He's gotten better. That's why he wanted us to drop Kirkland."

Matthew watched as Natalya's eyes knitted together and she looked so angry and hurt as she processed the information. She absently rubbed her stomach. "Mattie, why did the three of you forgive him?"

"I just told you. He's different. He's better. We're okay, me, Papa and Freddy. We love Mama." Natalya blinked a few times in disbelief.

"Maybe you and Francis are okay, but the last time I check Alfred isn't and he never will be. You told me that yourself. Major depression, generalized anxiety disorder and eating disorders don't go away. They just go into remission. That's what you said!" Natalya's eyes were shining with tears and bright with fury.

"Nat…we can't undo what happened, but us forgiving him started with Alfred. This is what he wanted. It helped him. They're close again. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Don't bring it up to anyone, especially not Alfred or my parents."

"Okay." She mumbled, hugging herself tightly. "I still don't like this."

"It's okay, Natalya."

"I don't think so. Come back inside. Xander and Rémy really were excited to have lunch with you and you've already ordered. I'm sorry I was so insistent. I just really wanted to know." Matthew offered a crooked smile before hugging her and walking back inside to Rémy and Xander's excitement.

* * *

Francis was buzzing around the room being hospitable to his guests. Arthur stood in the corner of the room with a warm half smile as he watched his husband over finger foods to his own family as well as Natalya's family. He would then make sure to fill up the bowls with snacks. Matthew studied his parents. Arthur gently pulled a flustered Francis to him and said something softly. Arthur's eyes were so soft and full of love. A kind smile had spread over his slightly aged face. He noticed the crinkles at the sides of Arthur's eyes. He noticed the way he smoothed Francis' shirt as he talked to him before pulling Francis' face to his by taking Francis' chin between his thumb and forefinger. Their lips met gently and his eyes simultaneously closed. He opened them a few seconds after the kiss ended. Matthew knew Francis had winked at Arthur by the slight blush in his cheeks and the smirk on his face as he looked away before glancing back. Francis ran off to the kitchen instantly. Arthur's eyes followed him around the room again. That wasn't the same Arthur as when they were kids. That Arthur would never have been gentle and that genuinely loving with Francis. It wasn't fair for anyone compare who he was not to who he once was.

Emily had run up to him now and he had kneeled down and was speaking to her with a gentle smile. He fixed her bow and kissed her cheek. A slight smile came over Matthew's face. Rémy and Xander were on either side of Emily suddenly and Arthur was being so gentle and sweet with them. Matthew continued to watch as the kids ran away giggling. Arthur watched them with a faint smile, his green eyes filled with love and pride. He slowly stood back up and leaned against the wall once more. Francis leaned on the wall next to him and said something that made the British man laugh. No…this was definitely not the same Arthur.

Alfred had gone up to both of them asking something. Francis responded and kissed his son's cheek before disappearing in the kitchen. Matthew watched as his brother talked to Arthur with a huge smiled on his face, his blue eyes bright. Arthur said something that caused Alfred to laugh and hug him. Francis appeared and handed something to Alfred who smiled and hugged Francis. Arthur's face was still soft with love as he watched Alfred and listened to him talk. No, it wasn't fair for anyone to hate this version of Arthur.

_"What are you thinking?"_ Emma asked hugging him from behind.

_"How the past doesn't matter."_

_ "The past kind of matters."_ She said sitting next to him. He gestured his parents and brother.

_"What does that look like to you?"_

_ "Proud, loving parents and their excited son."_

_ "Exactly._ _Now why does it matter what happened? Look how happy they are, we are, now."_ He watched as Arthur hugged Alfred in a tight embrace.

_"Natalya told me what you told her. It's hard to believe to be quite honest. He's always been sweet. I remember when we first started dating and you didn't talk about him much until Alfred asked you to go with him to reconnect. I didn't ask questions because I felt that it was a family thing."_

_ "Exactly!"_

_ "And when I met him, I loved him instantly. And I still do. When we got married, I didn't ask either because I didn't want to know. It was still a family thing. And when we had Emily…I wondered more and more, but I was always quiet about it. Natalya has known you for most of her conscious life and she felt that it was her right to know because she was good friends with both of you during."_

_ "Please don't treat him differently. He's not the person anymore."_

_ "Of course not."_ She hugged Matthew.

"Mathieu, come help me with this." Francis called from the kitchen. Matthew sighed and got up. Francis was arranging food on a platter artistically. Matthew rubbed his eyes and leaned on the counter.

"You need help with laying out food?" Matthew raised an eyebrow. Francis never let anyone help with his host duties except occasionally Arthur.

_"No. Don't touch this."_ Francis laughed. _"What's wrong?"_ Francis looked at him with concerned eyes, his brow crinkled in concern. _"You've been staring at your dad this whole time with a very odd expression."_ Matthew sighed and grabbed a carrot. Francis gave him a disapproving look.

_"I just…They tells that people watching is important, so I've started doing it."_

_ "Your own father?"_

_ "Well I just haven't really watched him since…"_ Matthew's voice trailed off and tapped the counter with his fingers.

_"Well what has your people watching told you, Mathieu?"_ Matthew tensed at the tone in Francis' voice. He sounded angry and hurt all at once.

_"I'm sorry, Papa. I shouldn't…"_

_ "No, go on."_ He said firmly as he straightened and crossed his arms. He stared at Matthew intently, his blue eyes were soft with an emotion that Matthew couldn't read.

_ "He really loves you and the kids and Alfred. He loves everyone in that room. You can tell by his gentle touch and careful movements that he is introspective. You can see every emotion in his eyes. He wears his heart on his sleeve now."_

_ "Okay."_ Francis seemed to be expecting more.

_"Papa…"_

_ "No, you know he's different now and you keep holding it against him. I understand that, Mattie, I do. But we have to put it behind us. We have to move forward. He…he…I…just stop Mathieu."_ Francis kissed Matthew's cheek and hugged him before he took the tray in the living room.

Matthew sighed. Arthur came into the kitchen and smiled at Matthew as he opened the cabinet. "This is exciting isn't it? Of course I really am not the party planner your father is. I wish he didn't stress himself out so much trying to be the perfect host. It's just family. I mean they want to see him. Natalya really goes all out for these things. Francis and Natalya were plotting this for weeks." He let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah." Matthew said uncomfortably. Arthur glanced at him.

"Are you okay?"

"No. Yeah. I…" Arthur's brows knit and his eyes shadowed with concern.

"What's bothering you, Mattie?"

"Nothing." He forced a smile. "Everything is great."

"Tell me the truth, Matthew. You're my son and I know when you're lying to me." A small smirk danced on Arthur's lips.

"It's fine. I don't want to talk about it." Matthew offered a guilty smile. Arthur's mouth moved to the side as he looked at his son, his face painted in concern.

"Mattie, love, you can tell me."

"I can't though." Matthew glanced to the side.

"Mattie…I'm here to listen."

"I'm sorry, Mama…" Matthew couldn't meet his eyes. He felt so bad.

"For what?" Arthur let out a nervous laugh. As if on cue, Natalya breezed in. She glanced at Arthur with sinister gaze.

"Hello, Natalya." He offered a smile. She let out a guffaw before rolling her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Arthur questioned, a hand on his chest and his face hurt.

"I'm dandy." She snapped.

"Natalya, stop." Matthew muttered.

"I can't believe everybody wants to ignore this." She snapped in Matthew's ear before glaring at Arthur again and storming out. Arthur's gaze slowly landed on Matthew.

"You…you told her?" His voice was barely about a whisper.

"Mama…" Arthur held up his hand and shook his head. His face was full of anguish. Tears danced in his eyes.

"You…you had no right." Arthur whispered before turning slowly, making his way out of the kitchen. Matthew was filled with a mixture of guilt and satisfaction. He had never talked about it with Arthur. He didn't know if Alfred had or not.

"Neither did you!" Matthew snapped. They heard the next room silence. Arthur closed his eyes.

"We can talk about this later, Matthew. I know you're mad and we never talked. We can talk later, I promise. You can yell at me and tell me how much you hate me, but please not here and not now. Alfred and Francis had their chance and you never did. You deserve a chance." Arthur said barely above a whisper. Francis suddenly appeared.

"Is everything okay?" He asked nervously.

"Yes." Arthur smiled and hugged his arm. "Everything is perfectly okay." He whispered something in Francis' ear and Francis' eyes moved to Matthew before falling to the ground and shaking his head slowly before leaving the room. Matthew took a deep breath before going into the living room.

Ivan was playing with Rémy and Xander. Kat was braiding Emily's hair. Alfred was talking with his in-laws happily. Natalya and Emma were talking. Everyone seemed so happy, but his mind was far from everything. He was angry again for everything that had happened when he was a teenager. He was angry at Natalya for digging up the demons. He was angry at himself for telling her. He was angry that he hurt his father who was most definitely not the same person he once was. Matthew wished he had taken his chance to scream and yell when he was nineteen because Arthur was different now. He was healed and Matthew was about to rip him to shreds. It didn't even register to him that the cake was strawberry. He barely heard what was going on around him. It wasn't until Alfred plopped down next to him that he was snapped out of his thoughts.

"So how cool is it that we're both having girls?" He smiled.

"What?"

"Dude, you are working too hard. Emma and Nat are both having girls and you totally missed it!"

"I'm sorry, Alfie." He said his face contorting apologetically. "I'm just tired from work." Alfred narrowed his eyes at him. "What?"

"You never call me Alfie." He said suspiciously. "Never. Like not even once. You've been calling me Freddy since we were four."

"I told you, I'm just tired. Everyone else calls you Alfie, so I just said it without thinking. But congratulations, I know how much you wanted a girl."

"Yeah." He smiled. "And you're going to have another one! Emily's finally going to have the little sister she's always wanted and the little girl cousin she's been asking me for." Matthew smiled and listened to his brother talk, though his mind wasn't in the conversation at all.

* * *

_**Sorry, I feel like this chapter wasn't that great, but I didn't know how to make it better. It's going to start getting sad in a couple chapters...like hella sad.**_


	7. There's Always Something Different

Matthew was awakened by Emily and Rémy jumping on him. He laughed and sat up hugging them both, kissing their faces. Emma smiled from the doorway rubbing her stomach absently. These were the mornings he lived for. _"Mommy says you have to wake up!"_

_ "I do?"_

_ "Yeah! Can you tell Uncle Alfie to come over please? I want him to come right now!"_ Matthew looked over at Emma and smiled.

_"I don't think Uncle Alfie can come right now. He's probably really sleepy."_ Emily sighed and crossed her arms glancing at her little brother. _"Uncle Alfie told me he's finally going to get me a baby girl cousin. And Mommy said we're getting a baby sister! I can't wait. Baby brothers are dumb."_

"Emily Nicole Bonnefoy!" Emma scolded. Emily looked at her mother.

_"What?"_

_ "Your brother is not dumb!"_

_ "Yes, he is Mommy! I love Rémy, but he's a dumb boy. Boys are dumb and smelly and gross and not fun. Little brothers are dumb."_

_ "Mommy!" _Rémy whined.

_"I have a little brother and he's pretty great. He's annoying sometimes and sometimes I think he's stupid, but I love a lot."_ Matthew said defensively. Emily rolled her eyes and sighed.

_"But Uncle Alfie is your twin."_

_ "Yeah, so? He's still my little brother. I didn't win in the race to life by thirty minutes for nothing."_

_ "Twins like each other."_

_ "We didn't get along when we were toddlers…at all."_

_"Really?"_

_ "Yeah. We fought all the time. Grandpa and Pépé had to separate us or we'd punch each other. We still loved each other. It wasn't until we were like four or five that we got close."_

_ "Do you fight with Uncle Alfie?"_

_ "Sometimes."_ Matthew laughed at the memories. He and his brother rarely fought, but when they did it was full out war. He remembered the biggest fight when they were thirteen. They were both bloody and covered in bruises by the time Arthur and Francis had been able to pry them apart. Alfred had black eyes, bloody nose and busted lip. Matthew had one black eyes and a busted lip. Even after they had been pulled apart, they had been screaming at each other.

_"I never saw you fight with Uncle Alfie."_ Emily said tilting her to the side. Emma laughed. She had heard them yell at each other plenty of times in the ten years she'd known the brothers, but she'd never seen them do more than shove each other.

She actually remembered one time when Alfred lived with them, Alfred had already finished his dental hygienist program and she and Matthew were still in college. Alfred had come home from work and Matthew was sitting the bar they had as a table and she was studying on the floor using the coffee table. Alfred was trying to talk to Matthew, but he was ignoring him. So Alfred sat the chair next to him and started messing with him. He'd flip the page or blow Matthew's notes causing the pages to move. He would flick the highlighters, pens and pencils across the counter. Finally Matthew had turned to look at him and yelled, "Will you stop?" Alfred had giggled and started talking to his brother again who was still ignoring him to study. He started drumming his fingers on the bar before he started copying his brother. "Could you be any more annoying?" Matthew had shouted. Alfred smacked the pen out of Matthew's hand and Mattie shoved him off the chair. Emma had laughed so hard. Alfred got up and pushed Matthew off his chair which had caused her to laugh even harder. Then they started yelling at each other and she decided to leave and study at the coffee shop they lived by.

The year she lived with the twins she had seen them argue and mess with each other a lot. She had also seen how well they got along and how close they were. It had been so hard for Matthew to tell Alfred that when they got married, he wasn't going to be allowed to live with them.

_"Mathieu, stop filling our daughters head with ideas." _Emma laughed. _"Me and this baby girl are hungry, so get up."_

Matthew got dressed and went down to the kitchen for breakfast. He was feeling much better than yesterday after resting. He enjoyed spending time with his family. Listening to Emily and Rémy talk put his mind and heart at ease.

_"Daddy, can we go to the park today?"_ Rémy asked.

_ "Of course."_

_ "Wif Xander?"_

_ "I'll have to talk to your aunt and uncle first, but I'm sure they won't mind." _Matthew's phone suddenly rang and he picked it up. It was Arthur.

"Hi, Mama." He said cheerfully.

"Hey, Mattie. So I have a class this afternoon at one o'clock. Um…if you want to come to the class, we can talk after in my office. Nobody will be there. I think it'd be better to do it there than here." Matthew's breath caught. He had forgotten.

"Um...yeah. It's eleven right now. I just have to make sure of some things and I'll be there."

"Okay. See you then?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye." Matthew glanced up at Emma.

_"Can you take them to the park? If not, I can call Freddy. I need to go meet with my dad in a couple hours."_

_ "Call your brother anyway. It'd be nice to hang out with Natalya and I don't think either of us can keep up with the kids in our state."_ Matthew excused himself and went to call his brother.

* * *

Matthew made his way to Arthur's classroom. His heart was pounding out of his chest. The last time he'd gone to one of Arthur's classes had been twenty-three and Alfred had dragged him along. He stared at the intimidating dark wood door and took a few breaths before slipping in quietly. Arthur was going on about Edgar Allen Poe's works. Matthew felt his breath catch as all three hundred students who most likely waited until last minute to register and were unlucky enough to have class on a Saturday afternoon stared at him. Arthur noticed his students and looked over, a smile spreading across his face.

"Ah, Mattie, come, come. Don't worry." He motioned for Matthew to move away from the door. "Everyone this is the eldest of my twins, Matthew." Matthew gave a soft smile and muttered in Arthur's ear.

"If I had known you were going to parade me to your class, I would have at least dressed more professionally." Arthur's eyes scanned his son's clothes. He was wearing jeans with a pair of green chucks and a black tee shirt under a hoodie.

"You look fine. They're college students, Matthew." He laughed. Matthew sat down in the chair behind the computer in the room and listened to his father's lecture. He found himself interested in the subject matter. Arthur really had a passion for Poe and he projected his excitement on others. Matthew watched the class. The young faces were staring in Arthur's direction, some had mouths slightly agape, but all seemed to be hanging on to his every word. Matthew tried to find the one student who was not interested, but didn't see one. Perhaps it was his father's crisp British accent that held them. Not everyone could love literature this much.

"That concludes this afternoon's class. Please hand in your literary critiques before you leave." Matthew watched as the class filed to hand him their papers. As Matthew expected, some of the girls would giggle as Arthur made a comment to them about having a good weekend. He overheard them whispering about his "dreamy" and "sexy" accent.

"Professor Bonnefoy, I just wanted to say that today's lecture was so good." A girl who looked to be about eighteen beamed at him. She flipped back her black curls flirtatiously and touched him on the shoulder, her hand lingering a bit too long. Arthur met her gaze and gave a genuine smile.

"Thank you, Dianna! It's good to see that people your age can appreciate good literature! Poe is fantastic and I just…I can't believe people don't find his work appealing. The imagery and the way he works out his personal issues through his writing is just genius."

Matthew smiled down at the desk as the girl blinked a few times from not getting the reaction she wanted. Her blue eyes were confused and she sighed before smiling again and rubbing Arthur's arm. "I can't imagine how you can't be just excited to read." She smiled flipping her hair again. Arthur started going happily about literary genius and asking if the girl had any interest in pursuing English as her major. Arthur seriously thought this girl was into literature. He almost felt sorry for the poor girl. Arthur's silver wedding band shimmered in the light as he spoke. The girl kept glancing at it, so she knew he was married. The girl listened with a disappointed smile. She had no idea that Arthur was gay. The girl caught him watching and gave a slight glare. Matthew raised his eyebrows. So this girl knew Arthur was married, was okay with flirting with the oblivious man in front of his son and had the guts to glare at him.

"Mama, you should tell her about Chaucer." Matthew chimed in. Matthew had to hold in a laugh as the girl's eyes widened at Matthew calling Arthur Mama.

"That is a brilliant idea, Mattie!"

"Actually...Professor, I have to be going. It was so nice talking to you."

"Oh…okay. Well, have a great evening." The girl nodded and ran out of the room. Arthur fixed the stack of papers on his desk shaking his head forlorn. "Chaucer is one of the greats." He mumbled.

"It's okay, Mama. That girl was not interested in literature."

"What? Matthew, come now! We just had a conversation about…"

"She was flirting with you!" Matthew insisted holding his hands up toward Arthur trying so hard not to laugh. "She thinks your accent is sexy just like every other girl in the class." Arthur rolled his eyes.

"I hardly think that was the case, Mattie."

"No, she was. Oh my god, you are so clueless! Papa said you were, but I never quite realized." Matthew laughed. Arthur just blinked at him.

"Well I don't find it nearly as amusing as the two of you."

"Alfred finds it hilarious that Papa had to spend four years trying to court you before he finally just got fed up and kissed you and even then you didn't get it."

"I am a gentleman, Matthew!"

"A clueless gentleman." Matthew crossed his arms and gave Arthur a smirk.

"I suppose." Arthur sighed. His face darkened. "Well shall we get to it then?" Matthew felt his stomach knot as the smile dropped from his face. He nodded and followed Arthur to his office. Their footsteps echoed in the empty, abandoned building. Arthur stopped at his door and pulled out the keys and opened the door to reveal the familiar office.

There was a picture of Francis from when he was about eighteen smiling with a cigarette in his mouth sitting on the desk as well as both wedding photos. There was a picture of Alfred and Matthew at five in Paris with Francis in the background as the boys held up snowballs in front of the Eiffel Tower. A bulletin board was covered in drawings from the two boys from when they were little as well as new ones from his grandchildren. Pictures of Emily, Rémy and Xander were pinned up as well. His bookshelf was organized alphabetically. His papers to be graded were sitting on the desk in neat pile. There was a jar of chocolates on the edge of the desk. Not much had changed since he and Alfred were little and Francis would drop them off with Arthur when he had to go to an art deal.

"Have a seat." He offered a weak smile and gestured for Matthew to sit down as he closed the door and hung up his suit jacket. Arthur took a seat next to Matthew and faced him. "Be as brutal as you want. I deserve it." Matthew glanced at his hands.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop being so nice about this."

"I'm terribly sorry." Arthur shifted. "Go ahead." Arthur's green eyes were filled with anticipation, his body language contorted in the anxiety he was trying hard to keep back.

"I don't really know where to start. I'm not really angry right now."

"If you start talking, it will come. It's like writing. You just have to get a few lines out before you go on autopilot."

"I guess I'll start by saying fuck you." Matthew felt weird. He didn't want to do this, though at the same time he wanted to. He needed to channel the anger. He needed to get it out because the truth of the matter was every time he saw a particularly bad case at work, his mind would flash back. He wanted it to stop. He wanted to finally get to say everything he had been feeling and keeping in. He pulled the image of his brother forcing himself to eat in public and suddenly his mind flooded with memories.

"You know what? No. Fuck you is too nice. Who the fuck do you think you are? How can you sit here in your stupid office and smile and talk about literature and have fun and smile and go about your life happier than ever when my brother has to struggle every fucking day?" The anger boiled in Matthew as he saw Alfred clinging tightly to Xander. "Natalya should have to worry about whether or not when Alfred wakes in the morning if he's going to have a bad day. I get that you were abused horribly as a child and I get that you were abandoned and then had kids torment you. I get that. But here's the thing I don't understand…you…you knew how that felt and you still did it to the people you care most about. Do you realize how fucking abusive you were to Papa?" Matthew knew that hitting Arthur with what he did to Francis would really break him down and tear open wounds. "He had bruises all over his body from you. Uncle Tony told Uncle Gilbert. None of them know I heard that. Do you just get a kick out of destroying happy people?"

"Don't bring up Francis. You have no idea what you are talking about there."

"He had bruises!"

"We have rough sex! I have them too!" Arthur crossed his arms. "It's fun for us."

"Ew. Gross." Matthew shook his head. "Do you know that every single time I see a particularly bad case at work, I think of you? I see these kids on the verge of death and I think of you. It makes me so angry that you almost killed my brother!" Tears were filling Matthew's eye. "I LOST MY BEST FRIEND!" He shouted causing Arthur to jump.

"Freddy and I had never been apart until he had to go to the hospital and then he was gone for a year and a half. A year and a half, I felt like a fish out of water. I had spent my entire life going straight to him for everything. I had a bad day…Freddy. I had a really awesome thing happen…Freddy. I just needed to lay or sit there and be silent…Freddy. If I read a really good book or saw something funny on the internet, Freddy was the first person I told. If I saw a good movie trailer, you know I was telling him we had to go see it. And for a year and a half, I didn't have him. For a year and a half I had to wait all week to see him for thirty minutes. I got to talk to him twice a week on the phone for ten minutes. And that time was split between me and Papa. You don't have any idea what that felt like. And did you know what he would tell me every single time we were able to speak? He'd beg me not to go. When I would see him at the hospital, we were told it was time and Papa and I would stand up and Papa would say his goodbyes and Freddy would hug me so tight and cry and sob and beg me not to leave. He'd beg the nurses for more time. They'd have to pry him off of me and I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay and talk to him about everything because that's what we do. When we'd talk on the phone, Papa actually would just let me talk to him the whole time. When the little recording told us we had thirty seconds, he'd just start crying." Matthew was shaking at the memories. "Yeah, he came back. He got out, but he was never the same. My best friend died at sixteen. Then I got a new one at eighteen. This one was like the old one, but different. This one was almost silent and his eyes lost the shine and looked dead and tormented. His voice when he spoke was no longer animated with laughter always present. It had become hollow. He barely smiled. He didn't laugh. He cried a lot. He'd stare into space a lot. And slowly parts of the old one started coming back, but he was never the same. He _never_ will be because you _destroyed_ him." Arthur had tears streaming down his face and it made Matthew even more angry.

"You didn't have to watch him when he got out of the hospital. Papa had to coax him to cook. We both had to coax him to eat and he still never wanted to eat. We had to watch him to make sure he wasn't going to purge. He would cry about eating and he'd take me on runs at five in the morning because he was terrified of the food he'd be forced to eat. It's not fair to Xander or to that new baby girl they're going to have that they'll never know the Alfred that you killed. You fucking killed your favorite son! We grew up knowing that you two had a favorite. Yours was Freddy. I was Papa's favorite. Sure, you loved us both, but you had a favorite. Think about that little boy." Matthew snapped the photo off his desk and pointed to Alfred. "Look at that boy. Memorize his face. Memorize his eyes and his smile. Memorize the way he would hug you and kiss your cheek and idolize you. Remember it all. Then I want you to watch yourself tie this child up and throw him in a bag. That's you suffocating the happiness out of my brother's life. Use him as your piñata, that's you beating his soul down. Rip out his eyes and that you contorting him to think that he's disgusting and worthless every time he looks in the mirror. Cut out his tongue, sew his mouth shut and rip out his stomach and intestines. That is your role in his eating disorders. Take a knife and carve out his insides to represent how you left him as a shell of his old self. Then picture this. You realize what you've done, but it's too late. You leave all those pieces scattered just barely out of his reach and walk away. That is what you did to him." Matthew stood up and glared down at the mess he'd left Arthur in.

"I see people abuse and neglect the shit out of their kids. And you know the thing that really sickens me is that those kids had to have something physical done to them before I was allowed to help them. I see us take those kids out of that situation and often times they were just physically abused or neglected. They weren't verbally tormented. I see their wounds heal and I see those kids be happy. Then I see the kid who went through that and was also verbally assaulted every day and they are angry and hate themselves. The only reason I was able to help them was because they had physical signs. Freddy…Freddy went through your verbal assault for years and you couldn't see any of it. You had a really clever way of doing it where you just sound nagging, so to both myself and Papa it didn't sound bad at the time because we didn't really pay attention to what you were saying. But that boy who idolized you and loved you and just wanted to make you proud heard every single word. He internalized it and nobody was able to help him until there was a physical sign, but he was already destroyed. What you did…I've seen a lot of monsters and demons, but you…what you did…I find that to be one of the worst. You're a fucking disgusting piece of shit and you don't deserve to be called a father. You disgust me." And with that, Matthew left slamming the door with a sickening slam. He closed his eyes and he heard Arthur's choked sobs he'd been holding in. A small smile came over Matthew's face at the sound before he walked out of the building.

* * *

_**Yay! I got to update sooner than usual! Enjoy!**_


	8. Going Wrong

Matthew hadn't experienced those memories and emotions for a long time. He had kept everything bottled deep inside accomplishing a dull nagging ache deep inside of him that only forced itself to be felt when Matthew was on a case or he saw his brother struggling, but they never were let in completely. He had learned to push them away because he knew that's what Alfred and Francis wanted. His father and brother wanted to move on and they had, but Matthew couldn't just forget about it. Unlike Alfred and Francis, Matthew had never been particularly close to Arthur. Even as a kid, Matthew felt ignored by the British man. He didn't have the connection to help him move on. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got that his brother and Francis could forgive Arthur.

"Mattie, are you okay?" Emma interrupted Matthew's thoughts. He looked up from the steak and salad on his plate. Emma blinked at him with concern. Emily and Rémy were giggling about something with Xander. Alfred was sipping water as Natalya talked to him. He had completely forgotten he was having dinner with his family.

"Um…yeah. I'll talk to you about it later."

"Okay." She squeezed his hand and gave a reassuring smile.

Matthew watched his brother. The plate in front of him contained dry salad. He couldn't stand it. He hated the way it took Alfred five minutes to eat one bite of salad as he sipped water to make it look like he was doing more. He wanted to scream at Alfred for loving Arthur. He knew his brother's smile was false just like he had known when they were teens. He knew what Alfred's real smile looked like and it wasn't the crooked smirk that he kept throwing around. Matthew noticed the darkness in his brother's blue eyes and the bags that surrounded them. Alfred's hunched shoulders and crossed arms showed Matthew his brother was not okay. It made the anger boil inside him.

Matthew took a deep breath and excused himself before going to the bathroom. He held the sink tightly, his knuckles turning white. He looked at himself in the mirror. His shoulders were rolled forward in defeat. His eyes were wild and appeared to be sunken. He glared at his reflection hating that he let himself be taken over by his past. He needed to shove it back in, but it was demanding to be acknowledged. He realized he was angry at himself. He blamed himself a lot for what happened with his brother. He saw through the façade, but he was too busy acting like a child to say anything until it was too late. He wondered who he was madder at: himself or Arthur. Matthew splashed water on his face and pulled his shoulders back to straighten his posture and give a sense of control.

The man casually strolled into the kitchen and wrapped his around his brother's shoulders. "I need to talk to you." He mumbled in his Alfred's ear. Alfred nodded, excusing himself. Matthew's stomach knotted as he saw Emma's worried expression as he walked out of the kitchen with his twin in tow. He led Alfred to the guest room.

"So what's up?" Alfred asked giving his brother a smile as he plopped firmly on the bed.

"Don't." Matthew snapped. Alfred blinked.

"I don't understand…"

"I can't stand it when you pretend to be okay. I hate it! I just…" Matthew took a shuddering breath. "Alfie, you'd tell me if something was wrong…right?"

"Of course, dude. I know I'm forcing smiles and stuff. Today's not a good day and I just hate people seeing me on a bad day. If I can pretend to be okay…"

"No, stop. Alfred, you pretended for years. I…I can't deal with it again. Not now. I saw through it and I hate that I never confronted you." Alfred blinked.

"Dude, it was a long time ago, okay? We were kids. You…you think that you weren't affected by everything that happened, but you were. At home you were like a child. You didn't act your age a lot of the time and you carried around that stupid bear like you did when you were little. Sometimes you were fine, sometimes you weren't. It was just me affected, Mattie. You were facing your own issues." Alfred said softly giving his brother a reassuring smile.

"I should have said something and instead I begged you to keep it a secret."

"Mattie…you can't change the past. You're like seriously the best brother in the world and I love you to death. Don't you dare blame yourself for any of this."

"I do though! I wasn't facing any of it. I was letting you deal with everything on your own and I shouldn't have! I shouldn't have always cried in a corner with my bear like a five year old! I am so, so, so sorry, Freddy." Alfred stood up and took his brother by the shoulders.

"Matthew, I know you know about coping mechanisms. When I was in treatment, we talked a lot about why we were there and our family or friends who had gone through the same or similar situation weren't. You know what we found as the common theme? Coping mechanisms." Alfred offered a smile. "Mattie, you'd have periods of intense regression and avoidance. You slipped up a bit and started self-harming, but you kept control because of everything you were doing subconsciously. And then when things got really bad, you stepped up and those mechanisms stopped. Don't you dare apologize to me for not ending up as fucked up as me. It's because you were acting like a five year old so often that you were able to help me through my darkest time and not right there with me." Alfred hugged his brother tightly and rocked a bit back and forth. "I owe you so much and more." Matthew tried to catch his breath that was rapidly increasing as the tears filled his eyes. This was a snippet of the Alfred he'd grown up with. The Alfred who protected him at all costs. Alfred held his brother an arm's distance before asking, "What's brought all of this up?"

"I talked to Mama today." Matthew hugged himself and looked out the window. "About everything." A few tears fell down Matthew's face. He glanced at his brother. "It all came flooding back."

"Oh…" Alfred sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at his brother.

"Yeah. I mean…I shouldn't have, but I had to."

"I get it, dude." Matthew stared out the window again.

"And the more I remembered, the more angry I became and the more I missed you." Matthew met his brother's eyes.

"Dude, I'm like two blocks away from your house and like a click of a button." Alfred smiled and let out a laugh. "I'm not going anywhere." Matthew glared at the ground.

"No. No, you're not." Alfred blinked.

"Dude, I'm seriously right here."

"You're not!" Matthew cursed under his breath.

"Mattie…what are you talking about? Are you okay?"

"This was stupid." Matthew shook his head and turned to leave. Alfred grabbed his brother's wrist.

"Mattie, if you need to talk about something, you should."

"I don't want to hurt you, Alfie."

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

"I want you back." Matthew whispered. Alfred stared at him with concerned and confused eyes.

"What?"

"I want Alfie back." Matthew sat on the bed and held his hands in his face. Alfred stood there staring.

"I don't understand."

"I want my brother back. I want the brother I grew up with. I love you to death, I do, but I just miss you."

"I'm still the same person, Mattie. I'm just a little damaged is all. Everyone gets damaged." Alfred smiled at his brother.

"You're not though. Alfie…Alfie is my brother. I started calling you Freddy and slowly you turned into Freddy and I just want Alfie back!" Matthew collapsed in sobs on the bed. Alfred winced and kneeled next to his brother.

"Explain to me what you're talking about. Please, Mattie."

"When were little, from the time we were born, you were Alfie. Alfie was this kid who would take on the world with a smile and a burning heart to change everything for the better. Your heart was always in the place to save the world. I could go to Alfie for anything and he'd always cheer me up. He'd fight away all the demons and monsters. He'd beat kids up who were mean to me. He was the strong one. He was the one who sacrificed himself to save me. I miss Alfie. I love you, Freddy, but you're not Alfie."

"You're wrong." Alfred whispered.

"I'm still all of those things. Do you know how hard it is for me to get up every morning? But I do and I put on my best smile and go out and live. I want to make everyone feel special. Every kid who I see at work, I make them feel safe and I think that changes the world. I treat everyone around me with love and kindness and I think that changes the world. I want to save the world, but I'm not a little kid anymore. I know that saving the world isn't as easy as I thought and that starting with loving people around me is the best way to start. I am always willing to help you. You just stopped letting me. You try so hard to protect me that you're keeping yourself locked up inside. I'll gladly cheer you up if you just come to me. You know what I do as a father every day? I make sure the monsters aren't under Xander's bed or in his closet. I push Natalya's fears away. And I'm battling some of the biggest demons I've ever faced and I have been. Some days I'm winning and some days they are, but I'll be damned if I give up. You have always been the stronger one, Matthew. You don't wear your heart on your sleeve. You're careful. You deal with things I would never be able to handle. I gave up everything I had to protect you and save you, but you're the one who ended up saving me. I may be doing all those things differently, but I'm not that different. I'm still your brother." Alfred hugged Matthew.

"It's just…it doesn't feel the same."

"We're older now. It's not the same."

"Can I ask you a question?" Matthew asked wiping the tears off his face.

"Of course." Alfred smiled.

"Why did you decide to reconnect with Mama?" The man glanced to the side then back at his brother.

"It may be stupid, but I needed to. My therapist and I talked a lot about abuse and how it was important to confront it. He told me if I didn't take the power back, I'd feel powerless the rest of my life. He talked to me about abuse as a cycle. I never want to hurt anyone especially not my wife or children, so I decided to confront the only one of my demons I could see. Remember the first meeting?"

"Not really. I ignored him the whole time, remember?" Matthew had sat next to his brother with his earphones in making a show that he was not there for Arthur.

"Well we talked and I was so scared and nervous because despite everything he did, I still loved him. He was my mama and I needed him to love me. I didn't want to let that out, so I just talked to him. Let him talk. The more we met, the more I forgave him because he really had changed. He confronted his own demons and he's becoming better every day. I forgave him because he never had someone to tell him to face his demons. He got it a lot worse that he dished out and I think that showed me that he really did care. He just…his mind was warped at the time." Alfred glanced back at his brother with a nervous glance. "I know you forgave him for me, but you need to forgive him for you or you'll never find peace. If you don't forgive him, that's your choice. I just think it feels better to forgive and let go because you can't change something that happened."

"I…I suppose that's true."

"Suppose?" Alfred lifted an eyebrow at Matthew who laughed and pushed his brother away.

Matthew sat on the edge of his bed and stared at the scars on his arms. He never covered them anymore unless he was at work. He had completely forgotten they were there. Emma sat down next to him and rubbed her stomach with one hand while supporting herself with another behind her.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked softly.

"Just when I was a kid."

"Do you want to talk?" He nodded.

"Alfred said I used defense mechanisms. I remember being so childlike for a while between fourteen and sixteen. Even now when I think about it…I used to cry in the corner with this stuffed bear Papa gave me when I was little when our parents were fighting. Alfred always would appear at my side and comfort me. I mean it was really mostly when they were fighting, which was all the time. Then there were times I was my appropriate age and this is what happened." He gestured to his scarred arms. "Maybe…Maybe he's right. Maybe the fact that my mind protected me helped me." Emma shifted and took his arms.

"I've always wondered how you could have done this to yourself." She whispered softly. "You don't deserve this."

"There was one day…the day we told Papa. Mama was supposed to have another night with us while Papa went out and we were so scared. We both walked into the bathroom at the same time and we paused for a second before glancing at the floor and proceeding to what we were doing. I had sat there and stared at the metal, marveling it. I always spent a few moments just lost in that. I had glanced up because Alfred had been mumbling to himself. I heard him saying terrible things and he was crying before he just shoved his hand down his throat. Seeing that, hearing that…I had never cut deeper in my life." He refused to meet his wife's gaze as she rubbed his arm.

"That must have been so hard."

"It was. Alfred and I used to lay in the dark some nights when we didn't feel like being alone and we'd picture this beautiful life without them. We used to talk about finding our birth parents and running away." Matthew met Emma's eyes. "Emma, we love Papa more than anything, but it's hard to grow up with your dads constantly fighting. Mama may have started it, but Papa fueled it. We…we hated living there. When Mama finally left and I was alone with Papa, I realized so much about him that I'd never noticed before. Like how much he loved Mama or how much he loved us. I don't think I ever understood why he fought back or why he put up with it or why he always came back or why he'd always say sorry. It wasn't until I saw him seem to age ten years in a matter of a few months without Mama and with that betrayal. He loved Mama so much that he would fight for him. He wasn't fighting with Mama. He was fighting for him. And to see everything happen just killed him."

"Francis is a really sweet man."

"The thing is Mama just needed someone to fight for him sooner. If someone had fought for him the way I fight for kids, maybe…maybe none of this would have happened." Emma laid her head against his shoulder.

"Perhaps, but we'll never know." She kissed his cheek. "I hope you save every single one of those kids who come your way."

"Me too. Let's go to sleep. I don't feel like talking. I don't really have much left to say. It's like this weight is gone."

"Talking is good for the soul." She smiled and kissed him goodnight.


	9. The path I walk's in the wrong direction

"Matthew! Alfred!" Ivan hugged the boys tightly and rocked back in forth in his usual fashion. The trio had not really gotten together in years, so with Ivan back in town momentarily due to Natalya's gender reveal party he had suggested that the three of them get together and catch up. They had agreed to meet at the hotel that Ivan was staying at for a bit before they left.

"Hey dude bro! What's up?" Alfred hugged Ivan back. Ivan laughed and smiled at his brother-in-law.

"I'm just so happy to be seeing you both! It's been so long."

"It really has." Matthew smiled fixing his glasses.

"Alfred, you are looking so much better and healthier since the last time I was in town. It makes me so happy!" The Russian smiled at his friend who rubbed the back of his head absentmindedly.

"Yeah, the last time I wasn't doing too well."

"That's an understatement! You were so jumpy and strange. I didn't like it. Alfred deserves to be happy."

"Thanks, dude! I am happy now. I love my job. Your sister is still the most amazing woman I've ever met in my life and our son is my entire world. I can't wait to have a little girl too! It will be fantastic!" Alfred's smile was genuine and erupted over his entire face. Matthew smiled. It really warmed his heart.

"What about you, Matthew? How is life going for you? I know that you are very busy. You don't talk much, but I want to know your life as well. You're important to me." Ivan rocked onto his heels before gently landing on the balls of his feet, a polite smile on his face and his eyes focused on the man in front of him. "Tell me everything that is important."

"Um…Well…I…I honestly am not really sure anything important is going on in my life right now besides the baby on the way." Matthew kicked absently at the carpet. Ivan cocked his head slightly.

"Matthew, you're acting like you did before when something was really bothering you. You ended up with bloody arms covered in cuts. Your parents ended up divorced and Alfred ended up in the hospital. I am here and I care. Tell me. You're just as important as anyone else. If you are not doing well, you are important enough to talk."

The man's statement and genuine concern for his friend's wellbeing struck Matthew. He remembered why he considered Ivan to be his best friend next to Alfred. Ivan had always been the type of person who would go out of his way to make sure that his friends were okay. Even back in high school, he'd get tears in his eyes any time Matthew's sleeve would drop slightly to reveal the cuts signifying the pain leaving his body. He would watch Alfred ever so carefully at all times. Ivan would take the two aside and talk to them. Matthew remembered one day Ivan had been preventing Alfred from going to the bathroom. It had been before Matthew knew about Alfred's eating disorder and had found it so strange that Ivan refused to let Alfred go to the bathroom and when the boy had insisted he really had to pee, the Russian had followed his friend into the bathroom much like the way girls did. Of course Ivan was the type to observe everything.

Ivan sat down on his bed, crossing his legs at the knee and resting his laced fingers on his top knee. He was focused on Matthew and gave a small, polite smile for the man to open up. Alfred sat down next to their friend and smiled at his brother reassuring him that they did in fact want to help him with whatever was bothering him. Matthew loved that for once people genuinely cared. He had gotten so used to the routine. Alfred having some kind of break every so often or his parents having a concern they needed him to address or Emma talking to him about something that one of the kids had done that day or everyone at work needing Matthew. Matthew had gotten used to being the helper and forgot that he had once been perceived as small, weak and fragile. He was constantly having Francis, Alfred, Natalya or Ivan there to make sure the was doing well and did not in fact need help. He missed people really taking the time to care about him, to break down the walls he had built due to the burden of having to be there for both his brother and his papa.

"I guess I _am_ a bit stressed lately." Matthew began. "I mean…I don't know. I think I'm being silly to be perfectly honest." Matthew let out a little laugh and looked at his feet. "I feel silly."

"If you have an issue, talk. Alfred and I both care deeply for you. You're one of my closest friend and now part of my family. Alfred is your brother, your twin brother who loves you more than anything. You're not silly to have feelings." Matthew bit his lip thinking about the words. Yes, they cared about him, but could they really be there for him? Was that a possibility? "Go on." Ivan gave his friend a reassuring glance.

"I have a lot going on. My job is demanding. I just sometimes question myself. Why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself through this stress? I just have to remind myself why I do what I do. There was this thing that happened at work where I just got so angry. I was mad at my dad and I said some things and told people things that I really shouldn't have. That led to a very terrible conversation where I told my dad everything. I told this man who has changed so much that I basically hated his guts and I realized that I meant every single word. Then there is the fact that Emma and I don't get the time to do anything anymore. I would love to take her out, but there is always something. I feel like I'm getting distant from her. It just feels like she's going one way and I'm going another. We're both in the same field, but different branches that have different schedules and demands. Many of my clients go to her. I sometimes feel that it's causing…" Matthew stopped and shook his head. This wasn't important. "Nevermind."

"You…you hate Mama?" Alfred's face contorted into confusion and shock. "Mama loves us, Matthew."

"I don't!"

"You just said that you did…" Alfred stared at the floor. "I thought we could be a family again, but if you hate him that's fine."

"Alfred, I don't hate Mama! I don't! I love him and I love you and I love Papa."

"Papa is better, yes. Mama does care for us though." Alfred was shaking his head slowly, his brows furrowed as he thought.

"Matthew, you're allowed to hate him." Ivan said softly, putting hand on Alfred's shoulder to silence him. "I don't know what happened, but if it was bad enough that you felt the need to hurt yourself and your papa divorced your father, I think there was something bad. Francis is so in love with Arthur. Always has been and you can tell in every look he gives him. Just the way when Arthur walks in the room, there is this split second where Francis is thinking about how lucky he is. Those are things I've always noticed. So for him to divorce him…What I mean is that you are important and things were bad and even if they're better now that doesn't change what happened in the past. You can't just say sorry and expect everyone to forgive you. That's not how life works. If you want to forgive, that's just as good too. Do what you feel. You have emotions for a reason." Ivan smiled.

"I…I guess you're right." Matthew glanced up. "I just…I really hate this feeling though."

"Hate isn't a good feeling, but you need to feel it if you ever want to stop."

"How are you so good at that?" Alfred asked narrowing his eyes. "Are you a brain shrinker too? Did you just use being a kindergarten teacher as a cover?" Ivan laughed and shook his head.

"My friends, you learn from kids how important it is to live out emotions. You can't do much for yourself at five or six. You definitely don't know how to stuff feelings down, so kids feel them and get over things so fast. You'd never see that with adults. Adults were trained to stuff it away and not address it." Ivan leaned toward Matthew.

"I am fine. I'm being stupid. Let's go. Please." Matthew stood and walked toward the door, eager to get away from this. He knew Ivan wouldn't drop it, but he had to at least try.

* * *

**_I apologize for the wait and for this being so short. Things have been insane. I will be out of the country for the next two weeks, so I'll be unable to write. I wanted to give y'all something. I will extend this in the next chapter._**


	10. There's always someone different

Ivan sat next to Matthew in his home later that day. He wanted to talk to Matthew more. His friend was not himself and it was hard to keep Alfred quiet. Matthew offered Ivan a drink. The Russian politely declined. Matthew sat down next to him awkwardly. He really didn't want to talk, though at the same time talking to someone would be the best thing. Ivan nudged Matthew gently and offered him a small smile.

"Mattie…," his voice was soft.

"Hm?" Matthew looked up and smiled a bit.

"Talk to me. Tell me about your life. How are you doing?" Ivan turned and crossed his legs on the couch. He looked like an oversized child sitting there waiting for his friend to talk to him.

"I'm okay. My job is stressful, but so rewarding. My kids, oh god, Ivan, my kids are amazing. Emily is starting to read. I read to her every night and I think she's almost about to start reading to me! Rémy is getting so big. I can't believe how fast he's growing. He loves going over to see Alfred and Natalya. Emma is good. She's busy, but good," Matthew said it all with a smile while playing with his hands.

"Matthew…you didn't answer my question. I asked how you were. I didn't ask about your job or your family. I asked about _you_," Ivan said this as though it were the most important thing in the world. His face was scrunched as he examined his friend.

Matthew was confused. He felt that he had answered the question. What more to him was there? His job and family were his life. That's all he thought about. He blinked a few times trying to understand Ivan's question. What did he mean?

"You seem confused."

"I am," Matthew chuckled. "I admit I am at a loss for what you are expecting."

"Okay, you said earlier that you were feeling stressed. That is about you. When I ask about you, I don't mean your life. I mean you mind, your body, your heart. You tell me superficial things about your life and you think that is your life. That's not you, Matthew. Those are important thing, yes, so very so. Mattie, I think it's something that we all do. We refuse to look into ourselves and assess the state of our true selves. So let me ask you again and this time, look inside. How are you, Matthew?" Ivan held his gaze on Matthew with a steady stare.

"I…I…," Matthew stuttered. What did Ivan mean? "I…," He dropped off and hugged his knees to his chest.

"Are you content?"

"Of course, I'm happy. I have a beautiful family and an amazing job," Matthew replied.

"I didn't ask you what you had. I asked you if you were _content_," Ivan pushed his light hair out of his face and stood up. "Happiness isn't constant. I can't be. Contentment is constant and that is the best thing to have in life. It's the goal. That's why I didn't ask if you were happy. Take a moment, close your eyes. Search. Then tell me," Ivan smiled. "I'm going to go to the bathroom. You just search."

Matthew sighed as he sat on the couch wondering what Ivan even meant. These were questions that he asked Alfred earlier. Alfred had been able to answer to Ivan's satisfaction. What had Alfred replied with? Alfred talked about himself, but then again he often did. Alfred seemed to like to talk about himself. It was something that had always bothered Matthew. He didn't like to talk about himself. He found that it was rude and selfish to only speak about oneself. _Ivan wanted him to talk about himself._ He didn't want to talk about anyone or anything else. Suddenly it made perfect sense.

Ivan came back a few moments later and sat down on the couch with his usual smile and kind eyes. "Are you ready?"

"Yes. I did something thinking and I realized you want me to talk about myself," Matthew paused to get affirmation from Ivan who nodded with a slightly broader smile. "The thing is, I don't like to talk about myself. I like to think about other people and take care of them. I don't want to look through my mind and heart and search for my own thoughts and feelings. I don't want to be selfish, Ivan."

"It's not being selfish. Can you tell me why you don't like to look inward?" Ivan's voice was soft.

"Why are you asking me all of these questions?" Matthew almost whispered.

"Because you're not okay and anyone paying attention would see that. You are running from yourself and you don't want to face it. Let me ask you this. Has anyone besides myself asked you if you're okay?"

"Um…," Matthew thought. "My dad…Francis, not Arthur, keeps asking if I'm okay and giving me these looks. Emma's asked a few times. Alfred's asked a couple times too," with this statement, Ivan's eyebrows lifted. "Some people at work."

"Alfred even noticed it?" Ivan shook his head. "Alfred is so bad at reading people too…"

"Yeah, well…," Matthew shrugged, "we are twins."

"So tell me, Matthew, how are you?"

Matthew felt heat rising as the wall he'd put up was threatening to come crashing down. He began to tremble. He could almost hear what was behind that wall, almost see it. His heart raced in his chest and his stomach was suddenly in his throat. He felt as if tears were going to come at any moment. The man jumped up.

"Ivan, I am going to ask you once nicely to leave," Matthew was shaking as he stood over Ivan. His fists were balled up at his sides.

"But Matthew, I was only trying—"

"No. Ivan I know that you think that what you're doing is good. I understand that your intentions are pure, but I can't do this. I can't. There are walls my brother and I put up a long time ago and I saw what happened to him when he let his wall crumble. I'm not letting you knock mine down. Leave," Matthew's pleading voice was laced with malice.

"I'm sorry, Matthew. I didn't mean…I just think it's important for you to be heard. You are important. Your feeling are important. I worry about you and Alfred, but especially you because you keep to yourself so much," Ivan stood, sadly hanging his head. "I will see you later, I suppose. If you want to talk, you can always call me."

Matthew nodded, arms fold and eyes narrowed as he trembled. He walked Ivan out slowly and didn't say a word. He tried to will himself to calm down and breathe. The wall was still threatening to come down, but the quaking had slowed. Matthew took a few deep breaths as he watched Ivan get in his car and drive away. He slowly turned and walked inside before laying on the couch. He couldn't believe how close he'd come to cracking. He couldn't let it down for the sake of his entire family and for the sake of the children whose lives depended on him.

* * *

Matthew opened his eyes to find Emily kneeling next to him giggling. He hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep. He sat up and rubbed his eyes before smiling sleepily at his baby girl.

"Hey, baby," he greeted groggily.

"Daddy, you were so funny! You were drooling a little bit. I kept poking your cheek and you would twitch," she covered her mouth as the tinkle of her childish giggles escaped her.

The sound warmed the father's heart. Matthew sat up and pulled Emily to him in a tight hug. This little girl was the reason he could pull himself together. He couldn't let himself crumble when he was this little girl's hero. He brushed back a stray strand of her blonde hair and smiled.

"I know. I was pretending to sleep so you could have fun."

"You were not!" Emily wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. "Daddy, you shouldn't lie. It's not nice. Mommy says that lying makes your nose grow," Emily's eyes widened.

"Is my nose bigger?" Matthew gasped playfully as he grabbed his nose.

"Hm, let me see." The girl examined her father's face thoroughly before leaning back with a skeptical face. "No," she sighed, "I guess you were telling the truth, but you're a really good actor, Daddy! I thought you were really asleep!"

"It comes with practice. How was school?"

He listened as his little girl recounted the events of her day at school in a play by play fashion. He couldn't believe how much happened at school. He never remembered kindergarten being so eventful, but then again that had been forever ago. He swore he could listen to Emily speak for years and never get bored. This little girl was his whole world. She had changed everything in life. He would have probably had a breakdown similar to his brother had she not saved the day.

Emily changed subjects suddenly to an idea for a story she had. He was surprised when it was not about princesses as her previous stories had been about, but this time one of a girl who becomes president and changes the world by creating world peace.

"So that's how I'm going to be when I grow up and become president," Emily finished. "I just have to tell all the stinky boys that I'm the boss like I do in kindergarten. I don't know why, but they're always fighting," she looked annoyed.

"Well I feel safer already knowing that you're going to be president when you grow up," Matthew smiled and kissed her cheek. Emily giggled and laid against him.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you, Emily," he kissed the top of her head. He held her like that for a moment before Emma called him from the kitchen. Emily crawled off of him and went to play with her kitten.

Emma was leaning against the counter, flour on her face. Matthew smiled at her and had to hold back a laugh. "Oh shut up!" She snapped.

"I'm sorry, you just look so cute," he hugged her. His wife sighed.

"I need you to help me make dinner. I didn't want to wake you when I got home, but Rémy was fussy and it took so long to put him down for a nap. Natalya said he skipped it today. I was furious that she let him miss. I mean if that's how she wants to with her son…I just am stressed and need some help."

Matthew helped Emma with their dinner as they spoke about their day. Emma talked about the baby and plans. They discussed names and how to decorate the bedroom. It felt so distant to Matthew though. It bothered him that they didn't talk like they used to. They didn't joke around and have fun anymore. It was always business. They talked about the kids and work. He craved for more.

He glanced down and smiled at the bag of flour still on the counter and a smile spread across his face. Emma was placing the pan in the oven. Everything had been prepared and now all that was left was the wait.

"Hey, Emmy?" She turned around to get flour thrown in her face. Matthew smiled trying to keep back the laughter. He hoped she wouldn't be mad. He watched as Emma narrowed her eyes and smirked before throwing flour in his face. She laughed. Pretty soon they were throwing flour and eggs at each other as they ran around the kitchen giggling and trying to stay away. Emma caught Matthew in a corner and pulled him in a kiss before breaking an egg on his head and rubbing it around his hair laughing.

"Mommy! Daddy! Non!" They turned around to find Rémy and Emily standing in the kitchen entrance horrified. The parents looked at each and gave a glance.

"Oh, we're just being silly. Come over here and give us a hug!" Emma said leaning down. The kids ran to the mother and hugged each other. Suddenly the two were covered in flour as well. Emma broke and egg on Rémy. Emily started crying that she was dirty before running upstairs. Their son seemed to like that he was covered in food and was able to throw it at them. Matthew sighed. This was what he had been needing for so long.

They got the kids cleaned up before getting themselves clean They ate dinner in their messy kitchen before putting the children to bed and meeting back in the kitchen. Emma glanced at Matthew as they finished cleaning the last bit of their mess. She pulled him to her and kissed him.

"Merci," she whispered against his lips. "I was starting to be so bored."

"Me too," he admitted.

"What happened to us, Mattie? We used to have so much fun all the time. Now we only talk about the kids or work. I miss just talking to talk. I miss watching movies and playing around and going out. We've got so stuck in this boring routine and I feel like we're way too young to be this boring." Matthew agreed with her. "When you threw that flour in my face, I thought about how the kitchen was going to be dirty for a second and then thought to myself so what? I think we need to be less serious. We have _little_ kids. They are so fun. We need to be fun too," her voice was sad. She sighed and glanced up at him.

"I'm thinking a trip to an amusement park. Alfred and I used to go once a week. We had season passes. Let's do that. And we can go on nature walks and hikes. Maybe go on a road trip across the country this summer. We need to break out of this," Matthew's eyes were bright as the thought about the possibilities.

"I like how that sounds," she smiled, excited. "I mean, we'll have the little one, but it'll be fun."

"_And_ let's me and you go out just the two of us Friday night," Matthew kissed her softly. "It's been far too long since we had us time."

"I like the way you think," Emma giggled before dragging him upstairs to the bedroom. They were both feeling closer than ever.

* * *

_**Oh my gosh, sorry for taking so long to update! I got back from my trip and had intense writers block since these few chapters are fillers until shit hits the fan. I will try so hard not to wait so long for the next one. I just don't want to give y'all a bad chapter. I think I have the filler chapters planned out well now. They may be a little shorter than usual, but don't worry. Once I get passed these fluffy fillers, there's going to be so much angst. **_


	11. Can anybody help me make things better?

_**Okay, I am so sorry for the long wait. I honestly was dragging my feet because this is going to be the last happy chapter. The next chapter I promise will be up by next Friday. I have a lot of it written already.**_

* * *

It had been two months of planning, but finally Matthew and Emma had done it. They had their entire summer planned. A Disney Resort vacation had been booked at Disneyland they would stay there for a few weeks before exploring all the sights that the country had to offer. After they finished with that, they would go to Belgium to see Emma's family and Paris to visit Francis' family, two weeks in each destination. Matt hadn't had a chance to introduce his children to his father's side. It would be so much fun. He was so excited that he would have his new baby girl born by that time to introduce to the Bonnefoy clan.

Matthew had always loved Paris. There was something about the city that made him feel at home. Just thinking about it put the smell of fresh baked bread in his mind as well as the taste of coffee and pastries. It had always been his and Alfred's favorite stop on their summers in Europe with their fathers.

Emma and Matt were in the kitchen preparing dinner as Emily did her math homework in the dining room and Remy played in his room. The couple had made a point to be together more. Tonight's dinner would be for Alfred and the kids. They were going on a date.

"Do you think we should tell the kids?" Emma asked with a soft smile.

"No, not yet. Let's do it closer to the time. You know how they can't wait. It's already killing them that Rosalie hasn't come yet. Can you imagine waiting for that? Let's just tell them that this summer is going to be the best they've ever had," Matthew smiled.

"Well I think we should tell them after we get home. I'm going to go get ready. You, my dear husband, should get ready too. Call your brother to see where he is. Everything should be in the oven soon."

"We should have just ordered a pizza," Matthew chuckled.

"Yeah, but then we wouldn't have had so much fun with cooking. I expect you in the shower in ten minutes, my love."

"I'll be there," Matthew purred and nipped Emma's lip before kissing her softly.

"You better be."

Matthew watched Emma strut out of the kitchen in a seductive manner before disappearing. His heart was reawakened for romance and so had Emma's. Their marriage had a new kind of spice. There was more intimacy and spontaneity than since they had Emily. He loved it beyond words.

He decided to call Alfred to see where he was. Just as he dialed, there was a knock at the door and Emily called that she would get it. Matthew called for her to wait before jogging to catch her before she opened the door. He was right behind her as the door open. He saw her being grabbed by an unseen person's arms and his daughter's scream. He panicked and sprinted the last few feet. He glared when he saw Alfred hugging her and spinning her in circles as she giggled.

"Faster, Uncle Alfie!" she giggled.

"Alfred, put her down," Matthew said coolly. Alfred's smile dropped when he saw his brother's expression.

His eyes were narrowed and his mouth was taut. His arms were crossed, his feet shoulder width apart. Alfred had never seen his brother like this. If he had, it had been years.

"Dude, I'm sorry, I just…" Matthew put up a hand to stop him.

"Emily, you know that you are NEVER to answer the door alone! Grandpa and Pepe may let you do it, but that is not okay. Do you understand me?"

Emily looked at the ground, her lip poking out as she nodded.

"It was Uncle Alfie though," she protested looking up.

"I know," Matthew sighed and knelt down, "baby, I know. It just scares me when you do these things. It's not safe. You need to wait for Mama or I to be here, okay?"

"Okay," Emily mumbled as Matthew hugged her.

"I love you so much, baby girl. If anything ever happened to you or your brother, I would just die."

"I love you too, Daddy. Nothing will happen to us. We got you and Mama and Uncle Alfie and Auntie Natalya and Grandpa and Pepe to take care of us. That means nothing bad ever happens!"

The words sent chills down his spine. If only she knew what he saw every day at work, she would know not to say those things. He didn't want her to know what he saw at work. That was something that should never happen. He hated that it happened. He hated more that he and his brother had been part of it.

He invited Alfred it, hugged him and led him to the kitchen. He explained to him what was cooking and where as well as detailed instructions. Alfred gave the okay and Matthew went up to join his wife.

* * *

The candlelight flickered against Emma's pale skin and blond hair. She brushed the strand of hair hanging from her bun to the side and stared at him. She was breathtaking. Her blue eyes stared at him, sparkling with love and admiration. They were outlined in black with a blue smokey eye. Her lips were perfectly contrasted with a warm red lip stain. She wore a tight fitting black dress with her ankle boots. A lacey shaw fell across her shoulders.

"You're beautiful. How did I end up with you?" Matthew breathed, taking her hand and kissing her. He stared at her with a soft expression.

"I think about that everyday. I'm really a catch," she joked laughing.

A waiter poured them some champagne and wine before taking their order.

"You know, Papa would be so proud that we were here."

Emma laughed and nodded as she sipped her champagne. Matthew loved her laugh. He loved her smile. When had he gotten so used to it that he forgot to admire it?

"You know, I'm so happy we can do this. I was really thinking we were in trouble. I mean, yeah, we're having another child and we do love each other. Honestly though, I was missing the romance from when we started dating, before we had Emily. We were so spontaneous and then we had Emily."

"We were so young…" Matthew mumbled. "Remember how scared we were when you found out? Oh, god. We were twenty three years old, just married two months prior and already a kid on the way. We were both still finishing up our social work masters degrees. It's funny to think that we were so scared over a baby. The first time I felt her move, I loved her and the first time I held her, I fell in love. I'd never let anything bad ever happen to her. I can't even fathom spending a day without her."

"It's amazing how time changes. I know what you mean though about falling in love with her. It was like we knew we'd never be the same, that our lives were different. We stopped focusing on ourselves and each other and it was all about her and then Remy came along…" Emma shook her head. "And I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I do think we need to go back to that young couple who would decide to go for an ice cream at three in the afternoon because we felt like it or go to the coffee shop and talk about literature or art for hours."

"And philosophy. We talked a lot of that."

"Plato, Socrates, Aristotle…" Emma sighed with a smile. "Now it's kids, work, family, repeat. Let me pick your mind, Matthew Bonnefoy."

"Pick away, my dear."

They decided on discussing Edgar Allen Poe and the symbolism in his writing. They discussed his life and death. They gave their thoughts. It wasn't until the check came that they realized they'd just spent an hour discussing one of their favorite writers. Matthew handed his debit card to the waiter and looked back at Emma.

"You know I used to read Poe out loud when I wanted Alfred to leave me alone. He said the man's work creeps him out," Matthew chuckled.

Emma stared at him as she chewed the inside of her lip. He found it so alluring. Her stare didn't break as she leaned forward and kissed him. She ran her fingers through his hair as their tongues danced under the stars.

"Let's get a room. I just want one night of pure love making with no interruptions guaranteed. Alfred doesn't know what time we're getting back. It's Friday and I just want to have you to myself," she whispered.

"Let's." Matthew laughed and pulled her closer in for a kiss.

* * *

Emma moaned in pleasure with each thrust Matthew made. It had been months since the last time. They needed the intimacy, the closeness, the pleasure. Matthew focused on getting her to climax. She held the sheets tightly as she moaned and screamed. Matthew knelt behind her as she was on all fours with her forearms on the bed, her head resting on them to support the weight of her belly. She finally climaxed, Matthew a few seconds behind her. They laid next to each other gasping.

"Oh shit, Mattie, that was perfect. How many times was that?" She laughed.

"Three, I think."

"I want to go again, but we really should be getting home to the kids," Emma giggled and kissed him.

"I love you."

"I love you too. We need to do this at least once a month. I'm not even joking."

Matthew agreed. They got dressed and joked around as they went down to check out. The drive home, Emma laid her head on Matthew's shoulder as she hugged his arm to her. Matthew loved how close he felt other.

They walked in the house to find all the lights off and the living room TV on. They gave each other a look and walked into to see that Alfred had made a pillow fort with the kids. He was in the middle with one kid on each side of him as they slept. Mulan was in the recently watched list on Netflix. Matthew smiled at Emma who squeezed his torso happily.

"I don't want to wake them. I'll phone Natalya to know he's sleeping over," Emma laughed and took a picture on her phone sending it. She dialed Natalya and talked to her as the two went to get ready for bed.

Life is great. That was the last thought to travel through Matthew's head before he drifted asleep.

* * *

**_Comment please!_**


	12. Your tears don't fall

**_This is going to be sad. Prepare yourselves for sobbing. Bring out the tissues._**

* * *

Matthew sat on the ground with Rémy building a tower. Emily was sitting a few feet away coloring. "We have to make it higher." Rémy instructed balancing on one foot and holding on to Matthew's shoulder. Matthew put a hand on his son's back to steady him. He smiled softly and studied Rémy's determined face. His eyes were scrunched together and his tongue stuck out the side of his mouth as he put a blue block on top of the tower.

"Daddy, look at this picture!" Matthew turned around and smiled at the coloring page Emily was holding up. Matthew took it in his hands and studied the colors.

"You know what, Miss Emily? This is perfect. I've never seen anything so lovely."

"I will give it to you and you can hang it in your office!" she smiled with bright eyes.

"I'd love that." He kissed his daughter on the cheek and hugged her in a tight embrace. He held her like that, his chin resting on her shoulder watching until she turned and looked at him. She crinkled her face in huge smile before turning wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I have a secret for you." She giggled. He mimicked locking his mouth and throw away the invisible key. She leaned over and cupped her hands around his ear. "I love you, Daddy." She pulled back, her hands over her mouth as she giggled. Matthew smiled and kissed her cheek.

"I love you too."

"I love you!" Rémy jumped on Matthew's back. He pulled his son in a hug and tickled him.

"I love you too!" The three got into a tickling fight and were laughing. Emma laughed.

"Are you three having fun?"

"Oui!" Emily smiled.

"Well I'm about to go to the store. I was cutting up some vegetables for the salad and I realized that I'm missing a few things for dinner. Does anyone want to go with me?" Both the kids jumped up at the chance to go on a trip.

"We can finish the tower when I come home, Daddy!" Rémy said hugging Matthew's neck and kissing him. Matthew nodded.

"It's a plan."

"Are you going to come, mon cher?"

"I think I'm going to lie down. I'm really tired. Wake me when you get home?" Emma nodded and kissed him.

"I love you, Mattie."

"I love you too." She smiled. Emily jumped in his arms and smiled up at him with her violet eyes.

"I'll finish your picture when I get home!"

"Okay, baby girl."

"I love you so much, Daddy!" She kissed his cheek and he put her down as the two kids ran to the door before Emma let them out to the car.

Matthew's eyes flickered open as a loud clap of thunder shook the house. The room was pitch dark. He closed his eye and reached over to Emma's side of the bed with a smile. "You didn't wake me up for dinner?" He muttered as his arm came down on the empty bed. His eyes snapped open and he sat up, blinking and grabbing his glasses. A flash of lightning illuminated the room for a moment before another roll of thunder rattled the windows. Matthew shivered.

"Emma?" He called. She had probably gone down downstairs to get a drink of water like she often did. He smiled and shook his head before standing. He saw his phone flashing and picked it up. He had a missed call from Emma from an hour ago. "Oops…I'm going to be in trouble," he thought to himself making a face before shrugging. He played the voicemail.

"_Hey, babe. So I just left the store and it started pouring about five minutes after I pulled out of the parking lot! I cannot believe how crazy this weather is. It wasn't even supposed to rain. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I'm pulling over until the rain lets up. It's too thick to see through the road and it's just not a good driving situation."_ He heard Rémy and Emily in the background. Emma giggled. "_The kids say to tell you they love you and hope you're not too scared in this storm by yourself."_ He smiled as he heard their little voices. "_Don't be worried, amour. We'll be home as soon as possible and dinner can get finished up. I love you and I'll be home soon!"_ He yawned and ran a hand through his hair. He figured he might as well see if she was home.

Matthew walked down the stairs and flipped on a switch. Everything was as it had been. Remy's blocks were still in place in an unfinished tower. Emma's crayons littered the floor around her picture. He smiled as the memory played through his mind. He picked up a jacket off the floor and hung it on the back of the couch before investigating the kitchen. The bowl of salad was sitting on the counter, the uncooked chicken still on the stove. He frowned and peered out the window at the storm. It looked absolutely terrible. He decided to call Emma, but as he did so his phone rang with Emma's number popping up. He smiled and answered.

"_Hey, love. This weather is crazy. Are you okay?_" he asked in French.

"Hello, this is Officer Brown. Is this Matthew?" an unfamiliar male voice came across the line. Matthew's face scrunched in confusion.

"Uh, yes. Why are you calling from my wife's phone?" Matthew asked.

"Sir, I'm going ask you to sit down."

"Why?" Matthew suddenly stood up straight, his eyes wide and heart in his throat.

"Please, sir."

Matthew sat on the couch as instructed as panic filled him. Why would an officer be calling from Emma's phone? Why would he need to sit down? This had to be a joke, a mistake. Emma must of have lost her phone. Yeah, that was it.

"Okay," his voice croaked.

"Sir, there's been accident. It seems as though your wife's vehicle was stopped on the side of the road when a semi crashed into it. The passengers are being flown to the nearest trauma center. I don't want you driving, but I need you to get to Sacred Memorial Hospital. Do you have any way to get there without driving yourself? If not, we can send an officer to you."

Matthew's stomach dropped. He slid off the couch to his knees. His heart raced as the words ran through his head. An accident. Semi. Crash. Matthew knew what those words meant. He didn't know who to call. He didn't trust his brother or Natalya in this situation. It would take too long to wait for his parents. A sob escaped his throat.

"Matthew, I need you to stay with me. Do you need an officer to escort you?"

"Yes," he whispered.

* * *

Matthew was taken to a family room where he was given coffee and told to wait for the doctor to come talk to him. He hated that nobody was giving him answers. Wait. That's all they had to say, just wait. _Fuck that_, he thought to himself. He burst into sobs as the thought of the three people he loved most in the world being scared and hurt. Did they suffer or was it instantly going unconscious? Were they even still alive? He pressed the thoughts from his mind. That wasn't important right now. What was important was staying strong and believing they were okay. But then why wasn't he being told what was going on? He needed someone.

He pulled out his phone and called Alfred only to get his voice mail. He closed his eyes cursing the world. He hung up and called again. Still no answer. He did this several times before finally leaving a message.

"Freddy, I need you. I...please come to the hospital. Be safe. Just come to the ER."

He hung up and held his phone in his hand, tapping his mouth. He called Francis and almost burst into sobs when he heard the answering machine pick up. He called again. Nothing. Then he sighed and glared at his phone as it hovered over Arthur's number. He didn't want to talk to him, but he needed someone. He closed his eyes as he pressed talk.

"Mattie?" the English accented voice came over the phone.

"Mama, I need you to come to the hospital. I don't want to be alone and Alfred and Papa aren't answering. I just..." Matthew started sobbing.

"Sweetheart, of course. What's going on?"

Matthew tried to catch his breath and focus on what he needed to say. He ran his finger over the rim of his cup as tears poured down his face. He heard his father trying to get him to answer and heard him getting Francis up and out of bed. He heard the initial cursing and complaining in French before a concerned "Mon dieu!" was uttered.

"Emma and the kids…" was all Matthew could bring himself to say.

"We'll be there baby. We love you so much."

Matthew ended the call and buried his face in his arms as he sobbed. He needed them to be okay. What would he do without his family? A doctor came in and sat down. Matthew sat up.

"What's going on? Are they okay? Tell me what's going on!" Matthew demanded banging his fist on the table.

"Emma is in really bad shape. The problem is that she's thirty-two weeks can save the baby easily. There is a high chance of survival. We're not sure about your wife. She's recieved extensive injuries and has lost a lot of blood. We need you to make a choice who to save. I understand this is a hard decision."

"The baby. She always told me, but work on her, please. Don't give up on her," Matthew whispered through his sobs. The doctor nodded and walked out.

**[Flashback]**

_Matthew sat holding Emma's hand as they stared at their first sonogram of their daughter. Both were shaking from nerves as tears streamed down their cheeks. Their baby girl's head, hands, body, legs, arms, toes, fingers. Everything was there. She was so perfect, so beautiful. Matthew kissed Emma. Suddenly it didn't matter how younger they were. All that mattered was they saw their daughter. She was real._

"_I love you," Matthew whispered._

"_I love you too," Emma smiled. "Mattie...Mattie, I want you to promise me something."_

"_Anything."_

"_If anything ever happens, God forbid, I want you to tell them to save our baby. Any time we have a child, that is the choice that you make. If our baby can survive, you choose our baby. I swear to God, I will kill myself if I wake up alive and my baby is dead because you chose me. Do you understand?"_

"_Em-"_

"_Matthew, do you understand?"_

"_Yes. I promise."_

"_Okay."_

**[End Flashback]**

A tear rolled down Matthew's cheek as he play with his wedding band. He had lost track of how many times she made him promise. It had always seemed like such an impossible situation, an impossible decision. Yet here he was thinking about how he hadn't even thought. He felt like a grim reaper having to decide between the woman he loved and his innocent baby daughter. He hated it. Either decision, he hated himself.

It didn't even matter when his parents got there, hugging him and talking to him. He just stared at his wedding band, at the promise he'd made to her, the symbol that reminded him that he had promised a life with Emma. He had promised life until death, but now he wanted to more. He needed her there. She had to be okay. _Please, God, if you exists...let them all be okay,_ he prayed silently.

* * *

**_This is the first of many sad, tragic chapters. Brace yourselves._**


	13. They crash around me

_**For those who read WWIII, I started working on a short fic that will take place between the last chapter of WWIII and the epilogue with Arthur reuniting with his sister if you guys would like to check it out. It's called London Fog (story ID 10774600) Add this to the end of the url.**_

_**/s/10774600/1/London-Fog**_

_**Warning**_

_**This fic is about to get very tragic. I promise you, it is going to stay tragic from here on out. If you have any issues with character death, self harm, eating disorders or depression/anxiety, please you extreme caution reading the remainder of this fic. I'd rather you were physically, mentally and emotionally safe and healthy. I actually cried writing this. **_

_**I also am going to be using flashbacks to ease some of the tension of the sadness. If it's distracting, please let me know. If enough people are distracted by it/don't like it, I'll discontinue it. **_

_**Reminders that Matthew, Emma and Francis speak exclusively in French to each other when nobody is around that does not understand it. All dialogue after the part where Arthur and the doctors are present assume is in French.**_

_**And with out any further ado...**_

* * *

"Emma is dead."

The words rang in Matthew's ears. How? How could she be dead? She just went to the grocery store. She was just here a few hours ago happy and smiling. She was making dinner. He would get home and there'd be dinner. He would wake up from this horrible nightmare to Emma kissing him and telling him to come eat. They had dinner reservations for next week and they would go. No. Emma was not dead.

"Matthew, would you like to see her?"

The man looked up at the doctor with a look of sympathy on his face. It was fake. He was lying and he was looking at him with fake sympathy. What could he say other than yes? This was a joke. It was all an elaborate joke or a nightmare. He didn't know what it was, but this was not real. It was not happening.

"Yes," Matthew choked.

His parents offered to go with him, but he only wanted his papa. Papa who held him when he cried. It was Papa who sang him to sleep every night. Papa who loved him more than he loved anyone else in the world other than Alfred. Mama had never done that. No. Mama was the one who always told him he cried too much. Mama was the one who told him was worthless and in the way. He didn't want him there. He wanted Papa.

He took Francis' hand and stood. They followed the doctor to a room, Francis' arm around his son. The Frenchman could not fathom losing anyone this way. He wanted to comfort his son, but was a loss to do that. He just held him. Matthew knew this much about his father.

She looked like she was sleeping. She was sleeping, but she looked different. The color had left her skin. Her injuries were clearly visible. They had tried to wash the blood off, but her blonde hair was still stained. Her eyes were swollen. Her face, that beautiful face that used to light up when she saw him, was bruised.

He took a breath and held his father's hand. Francis squeezed it and pulled his son to him, kissing his temple. Matthew pulled away, his eyes not leaving his wife. He took a step toward her and then another. He closed the few feet between them in what felt like years. It wasn't real. He felt as though he were running through water.

He finally was at the bedside. He took her hand. She was still warm. How? She wasn't dead. No. Her skin felt strange. The area on the skin that he squeeze gently to let her know he was there remained a greyish white. He waited for the blood to refill the capillaries, her chest to rise and fall, for some sign of it didn't happen, he closed his eyes.

He leaned down and kissed her lips. They were still the same, soft and sweet against his. He ran a hand over her bruised cheek.

"Hey Em," whispered softly, "I did what you wanted. Our little girl is okay. They told me, they told me I can see her in a few hours. I'll get to hold her. It's not right that I get to hold her before you. It's not right that you'll never get to hold her. You shouldn't be here. No, I...I should have made sure I'd gotten everything from the store or I should have gone. I wish I had seen her so that I could tell you what she looks like. You didn't think when you made me promise this. Our kids need their mom," his voice broke and his knees buckled.

He fell into the chair beside the bed and sobbed into the bed. He couldn't help but blame himself. He was supposed to make sure they had everything from the store. He should have gone in her place. He should have answered his phone to hear her voice and talk to her. He should have said he loved her more. His mind wandered to the rut they'd been in. He regretted it. He wished they had spent every day holding each other and their children telling each other how much they loved each other. They'd never go to Spain for their tenth wedding anniversary. They were married almost seven years and that was going to be it. Death. Only in death, they promised, would they part. He didn't want death to be the end. He wanted her forever. He wished he could go back in time.

Francis was next to him, rubbing his back and talking to him gently in French. Matthew wished he'd stop lying. Everything would not be okay. Nothing would ever be okay again. Emma wouldn't want him to be sad? Who was he to say what Emma wanted? He wanted to go back to the day they met.

[Flashback]

Matthew walked through the campus, texting his brother. Where could he be? He had the keys. Alfred was his ride home. He knew he wouldn't be in the library. He was probably hanging out in the dining hall. Ever since he'd gotten out of treatment, he had a weird thing about being around food and seeing people eat, like some alcoholic in a bar.

"Excuse me?" an accented voice that reminded him of honey said.

Matthew looked up from his phone at the accent. He recognized that the speaker was a native French speaker, but he could not place it. It wasn't a dialect of France, French Canada or Cajun French. He was curious.

His eyes scanned to find the speaker. Finally he saw her. She was standing frazzled, trying to ask a group of students a question in broken English. They walked away after a moment shaking their heads apologetically. She looked down, her shoulder slumped. Her hands went to her face and suddenly her shoulders were shaking.

"Bonjour," he said softly, his hand out awkwardly unsure whether patting her on the back would be the best decision.

She looked up suddenly. His hand fell as they stared at one another. She had piercing green eyes that bore into his soul. Her makeup was smudged and masscara was running donw her face with her tears. Her blonde hair fell haphazardly in her face.

Despite her messy, frazzled appearance, she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life. Something sparked in him. He gave a smile.

"Je m'appelle Mathieu."

"Bonjour. Je m'appelle Emma. Parlez-vous français?"

"Oui," he smiled. "My dad is French, from Paris actually. I'm fluent. Do you need some help?"

"Yes. I'm looking for my class and I'm afraid I'm already late. It's such a big campus. It's in the Center for Instruction."

"I'll show you. Where are you from?"

"Belgium," she sniffed. "I just moved here and my English is apparently not the best. I understand and write it just fine, but my speech..."

"It's okay. I'll help you. You may want to wash you face before class," he said kindly.

"Oh, yes." She blushed and laughed before taking his arm in hers.

[End Flashback]

Matthew looked at her again. How had that day been the day that his whole life opened up? The world seemed to make sense. The colors were brighter. Everything tasted and sounded and smelled perfect. And this day, the day his wife had died, the world seemed cold and unforgiving. Everything was dull. He felt like he wasn't in his body. He sat there crying, his father comforting.

After what seemed like a lifetime, he took her hand again. He gasped and dropped it. It was like ice. Tears began to pour again as he stood up, panicking. She was cold! He had to warm her up. She hated being cold.

"It's okay. It's okay, Emma. I'll keep you warm. You won't be cold."

He took her hands in a rush, holding them in his, he blew warm air on to them and rubbed. He had to get her warm. He had to! She needed more blankets. He told Francis to get more blankets as he ripped of his sweater and laid it on her.

"Mathieu, Mathieu, baby, listen to me." Francis took his son's face in his hands. "She isn't bothered by the cold now. She's okay. She's not in this world of pain."

"No, Papa, you don't don't know! She hasn't be here! She is going to wake up and she's going to be okay," Matthew's voice near hysterical.

Francis took him in a tight hug as he tried to keep himself together. Matthew resisted at first and then fell into his father. He breathed in the familiar smell of roses and smoke. He'd hated that his father had started smoking again after everything that happened when he was younger, but now he was comforted.

"She's not going to wake up, Mathieu. Believe me, I wish she would,but she's not. She's dead. You have to be a father now more than ever and focus on your kids. Are they with Alfred?"

Matthew's heart stopped. He froze. He pulled back away from Francis slowly, his eyes wide. He shook his head and backed away. He hadn't thought about where they were. Nobody had mentioned them. He figured they were safe, but now…

"What's wrong?" Francis asked softly reaching for the man.

"They...they were with Emma," he whispered, "in the car."

They stared at each other for a moment before Matthew collapsed in a panicked sob.__

* * *

_**Translations:**_

_**Je m'appelle - My name is**_

_**Parlez-vous français - Do you speak French?**_

_**Sorry this was such a short chapter. I thought it was much longer when I was writing it. They'll get longer, I hope...**_

_**Thank you for reading! Please leave a review my loves. **_


	14. Her conscious calls

**I was listening to You Me at Six while writing. Bite My Tongue really reminded me of Matthew at this point in his life. Just thought I'd share that with y'all.**

* * *

"You better tell me where they are right now!" Matthew was demanding of the clerk at the nurse's station.

"I'm sorry, I do not have that information for you," he repeated with a sympathetic look.

Matthew leaned against the desk and rubbed his face with his hands. Nobody could tell him where his little girl and baby boy were. His even temperament was going out the window. He could feel his blood boiling. He felt he was about to start flipping tables. Why could nobody tell him where Emily and Remy were?

"Matthew, take a deep breath. Someone will tell you where they are, but you don't want to get yourself thrown out of the hospital before that happens. Come back to the room with me," Arthur was trying to coax.

Matthew pulled his arm away from the man and glared daggers. He didn't care the Arthur looked shocked by his behavior. What ride did _he_ have to try to get him do anything? Wasn't this the man who systematically destroyed him and Alfred? He couldn't take him seriously. Nothing he said had any value.

"What the hell do you know? Of course you'd go sit down! You never were worth a shit as a father or a husband! You are not allowed to tell me what to do or give me advice! I don't want to hear your stupid voice. If Alfred or I had ever gone missing, I'm sure you would have tried to convince Papa that we were not to be bothered with, that we were burdens. I'm so sick of you!"

"Matthew…"

"NO!"

Matthew glared at Arthur who looked down before walking away. He was probably ready to find Francis to whine and cry to, maybe steal a cigarette. Francis had had the most overwhelming urge to go smoke when they were told there was no information regarding the children. He tried to stay around, but Matthew could tell his father was needing a release. He had sent him out. Matthew found him secretly hoping Arthur would suffer an ill fate of a smoker.

The man turned and slammed a hand on the desk and pointed to a nurse who had just gotten to the desk. She jumped as she turned around. Matthew covered his mouth and leaned on the desk trying to getting his thoughts straight.

"I need you to tell me where my fucking kids are right now!" Matthew hissed trying hard to keep himself composed.

"What are your kids names, sir?" she asked slowly.

"Emily and Remy Bonnefoy. Emily is six. Remy is three. I'm Matthew Bonnefoy if that's important."

The woman looked through the computer. It was more than anyone had done so far. Her eyebrows knit and glanced up at him then back down. She typed something into the computer. The clerk said something softly to her, causing her mouth to drop a little.

"Sir, the only Bonnefoy we have is your wife and the baby that was delivered via emergency C section when she was taken back. There was no one else brought in with her. Are you sure that you have the right hospital?"

Tears filled Matthew's eyes. He shook his head. He closed his eyes and held his head as he tried to calm himself down.

"No. There has to be some mistake. My kids were in the car. There was an accident and my wife…" Matthew choked back a sob and swallowed, "my wife died. Our kids were in the car with her. Please, I just need to know where my babies are. I can't...god, they must be so scared," Matthew said, covering his face as he sobbed.

"You said they were six and four?" the nurse asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay, pediatric traumas go to the children's hospital. Let me call over there and see if they arrived there."

"T-trauma?" Matthew whispered.

"Yes, sir. It was a bad wreck. Just a moment."

Matthew thanked her, leaned against the wall opposite, and looked away to hide his tears. He saw his brother walking through the doors of the hospital, glancing around nervously. They locked eyes and Alfred hurried to him. Matthew lost it when he saw him. He slid down the wall in sobs.

Alfred hugged him tightly and whispered soothing words to him. He rocked him gently until Matthew calmed before helping him stand. He studied Matthew. His violet eyes were bloodshot from crying. Tears seemed endless on his cheeks. His hair was pushed haphazardly around his head. The man's glasses were crooked on his face. His shoulders were slumped. He looked much older than his twenty-nine years at that moment. The younger twin could not believe the state his brother was in.

"What happened, Mattie?" Alfred asked.

"Emma...Emma's gone," Matthew whispered. "I don't know where Emily and Remy are. I...I need to find them. Papa is so fucking addicted to those fucking cancer sticks that he can't stay with me and Arthur is a dick. I don't want to see him."

"Emma, what? Dude, where'd she go? You two are like so in love. You planned a summer. Where would she go?"

"No, Freddy, she died. The kids were with her and nobody knows where they are."

"Holy shit…" Alfred whispered, collapsing against the wall staring at his feet.

"No. No, you don't get getting some fucking urge to do something stupid. I need you. You need to not fall apart because I'm done. I can't. Freddy, I need my brother who is obsessed with being a hero, right now, like when we were kids," Matthew whispered.

"I'm here, dude. I'm okay. I'm here. You'll be okay," Alfred soothed, holding his brother tightly.

"I don't know how I'm going to tell them, Freddy. I...I don't know how Remy will understand! He's too young!" Matthew sobbed into his brother's chest.

"Sir?"

Matthew looked up to see the nurse chewing her lip. Matthew wiped his face and pulled away from Alfred, who steadied him. He rushed to the desk.

"Yes? Did you find my children? Are they there?" Matthew asked.

"Yes, sir. They did arrive at the children's hospital. I alerted the staff that you're on your way. There is a doctor there who will take care of all your questions."

Matthew thanked the nurse profusely, apologized to the clerk and practically ran out of the hospital, Alfred close behind. They found Francis sitting on the curb a ways away from the door of the hospital, his head buried in his arms while he cried, a cigarette in his hand. Arthur was sitting beside him, an arm around him, rubbing his back as he rested his head against his shoulder also holding a burning cigarette. There was a near empty back between them and a lighter.

"We found Emily and Remy!" Matthew smiled through his tears. "So get up. I'm riding with Freddy to the children's hospital. You two better show up because Emily and Remy love you both so much and it would be terrible if they are hurt and their grandparents aren't there. Papa, are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Mattie," Francis sniffed as he wiped his face and took one last drag of the burning stick of tobacco. He snuffed it out and stood up.

Matthew followed Alfred to his car. They drove silently for a moment. Matthew had never been so relieved. He'd been to this hospital. Many of his cases were at this hospital. The staff was amazing. He knew that his babies were okay. He couldn't wait to see the kids. He wasn't looking forward to telling them they no longer had a mother.

"I think we should get them a stuffed animal from the gift shop. I'll let them have a Happy Meal too. We never let them have those. I know you'll get it for them, but Emma-" his voice caught as he said her name.

"Hey, Mattie, dude, you know those two are going to need a hero. I'm okay with being a hero for them for a while as you get everything arranged, but trust me when I say that the biggest hero a kid has is their parents. You can be their hero."

"Yeah...hero. I'm sorry, I just don't buy into that," Matthew said coolly as he glared daggers at his feet.

"I'm serious! Growing up, Mama was like superhuman to me."

"The man who made our lives hell?"

"Matthew, shut up. It was hard, yes, but I mean the dude had issues. We're okay."

"We're not okay. You're still have a combination of anorexia and bulimia. You still have depression and anxiety. And me? I still hate his guts. We are not okay."

"Whatever. Papa got us out. He helped us. He threw everything he wanted out for us. He's the reason we're not dead."

"I'm still kind of angry that he waited so long. He should have noticed it sooner. He shouldn't have fought with Arthur all the time."

"Dude, Mattie, chill. I know you're upset and all, but don't blame him for any of what happened. Stop acting like Mama is the same as he was before. He's not. Papa is a saint as far as I'm concerned. We got them back together. The two of us. God, let's just not focus on this right now. The point is, you're going to be the one those kids look up to when they are scared or sad. I'll be here for you, man, but you're the one they need."

"Yeah, okay."

* * *

Matthew arrived at the hospital and ran to the desk. He was greeted by a caseworker he knew. They had worked together many times in the past. She had an odd look on her face. It made Matthew uncomfortable. He sat down at the table, Alfred right next to him, a comforting arm around his shoulders.

They talked for a few minutes before Francis and Arthur came in silently. Matthew wanted to slap Francis for looking so upset. He wasn't the one who had lost his wife. Matthew didn't care how much Francis loved Emma. He didn't care that he thought of her as a daughter. None of it mattered. He wanted to punch Arthur for acting like cared. Matthew wasn't buying the act. He wasn't fooling Matthew. He could see through his father's charade.

Nobody said a word about the kids. They knew better than to bring it up until the doctor came in to give them the story. It was just like the other hospital. Matthew found it rather strange that the caseworker was trying to talk to him about such trivial things, but he supposed his friend was just trying to keep the air calm.

A woman in blue scrubs and a white lab coat walked into the room introducing herself as Dr. Atwood, the trauma physician who had been on call when the children were brought it. She offered a weak smile to Matthew as she shook his hand. Her hair was falling from her bun as though she had been doing intense exercise. She wouldn't meet anyone's eyes as she sat down.

"So...my kids?" Matthew asked. "I'd like to see them. I'm sure they're scared and probably hurt. I want to be there for them."

"Matthew, I want to start with Emily. When she was brought in, she was stable. Vital signs looked great. She was crying, as to be expected and she was talking. There didn't seem to be any external damage. About fifteen minutes after her arrival, we started noticing signs of a traumatic brain injury. She is in surgery right now for a major bleed. She did crash before we got her down there. We were able to stabilize her for surgery. It appears that she had a lot of damage internally."

Matthew tensed, his face falling in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. Alfred rubbed his back. Matthew wanted him to leave him alone, but at the same time didn't want the contact to stop. He brushed away the shock. Emily would be okay. She was in surgery. They were every skilled.

"And Remy?"

"Remy...Remy was on the side of impact. He suffered extensive injuries. He lost a lot of blood. There was a lot of damage. He also experienced minor burns. He is also in surgery. I want to prepare you for the worst. He was very unstable. We were not able to stabilize him before surgery. We are trying everything we can, however it doesn't look good. At best, we're anticipating permanent blindness, little cognitive function, and paralysis. His spinal cord was severed in a place where he no longer has function of his legs. Assuming he comes out of surgery, we won't know the extent of the damage for a few days."

"No. No." Matthew shook his head. "They're going to be okay. My babies are going to be okay. They have to be! I...I can't take it if anything happens to either of them. I can't. I'll die. Oh god, I'll die."

Matthew sobbed into Alfred's shirt. What was happening? They had gone to the store. Remy had to come home and finish his tower. Emily had to finish her pictures. It couldn't be so different so quickly. It was a blink of an eye and the world was crashing down on their family. He couldn't understand.

Remy wanted to be a superhero. He wanted to run around with Alfred and Xander pretending to be a random superhero fighting crime. He had to be okay. The thought of is baby boy not being aware of superhero movies and costumes...it broke his heart.

And Emily! Emily had learned to read. She was reading to him and Remy every night before bed. That had to continue. She was interested in changing the world. She wanted to make everyone smile. She told him every night that she was going to make everyone stop crying. She hated seeing people cry.

His children deserved a happy, healthy life. They were going to do great things! They had dreams. They were three and six. They had not even lived. They had to be okay. They wouldn't understand if something was wrong. They already lost their mother. They couldn't have these injuries. They couldn't. They had to be okay. _They had to be._

* * *

**_Sorry for the cliffhanger! I was determined to get this up before I went to sleep and today was just so hectic, I wasn't able to start working on it until late. I hope you enjoyed it even though it is sad. Thank you for reading. Please leave a review! _**


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